Saturday Evening Social: Let's Celebrate Michael Jackson's Birthday

I love my husband... but he’s driving me insane. When we were dating, he would do little (very little but meaningful) things to make me know I was loved and cared for - leave a note, bring me coffee, have some chocolate waiting for me when I got home, surprise me with something small I wanted. But then once we got engaged and he nailed my choice of engagement ring it’s basically been like he’s given up. He phoned in Christmas but demanded a long list of gifts which I was glad to get him. He got me a kind of phoned in wedding present while I schemed and lovingly slaved over a gift he totally admitted was 100 times better than what he got me (we cap most gifts pretty low so I tend to craft or scour the net for deals). He bought my gift the day of. Only part of it was thoughtful.

I tried to let it go until he started talking about a gift he wanted for Christmas that I thought was going to involve me giving up my hope of scouring the world for BCBS on black friday and waiting at home depot alone in the freezing cold (I made a spreadsheet and cultivated beer stockers to get him 2 sixers of hopslam one of which I got by sprinting ahead of a guy in a parking lot). I expressed this to him - that I love him but that it’s unfair for him to demand I do these big gestures and things when he can’t even put thought into my birthday or Valentine’s Day or any day. He can’t even bother to write me a note. He got butthurt and basically called me materialistic so I dropped it. Then, he DID get me a present which I did want (yay) but it was the wrong size and he didn’t save the packing or receipt and admitted that he waited until the last minute when I told him I cared. I would have been happy with a cake I didn’t have to bake myself or a note or a picnic or going to see a movie or whatever. I would have been happier if he had said he was just planning something special for our mini-honeymoon in a week FFS.

I was over it. He’s been working terrible hours and I thought maybe he would plan something for this weekend since I’d made it clear that was important to me since he’s been working so much with very few employees to cover shifts (he is working a 13 hour day on my birthday so his people don’t have to which I totally admire him for) but he didn’t. He didn’t make dinner reservations. I had to buy my own damn cake and cried in the parking lot when I picked it up. I am working a full 40 hours and finishing my dissertation, so it’s basically like I am working two jobs. I don’t have many days off. Because of our schedules, we’ve put off our honeymoon indefinitely until we both have time to go to Europe and not be anxiety-stricken. I was hoping this 4 day weekend would be a great way to get back to us since we haven’t had a minute of downtime since we got married last month but he doesn’t seem to even care that I’m bothered by this. What can I say without sounding like a materialistic bitch to let him know that he doesn’t need to get me things or spend money just to let me know he cares? He used to do it. I don’t know what happened.