Sit down kids, it's time for Wacky Aunt Sarah's What America? Variety Show! Today's episode: PACed to the Gills, or How To Endorse Candidates But Not Actually Endorse Them And Keep All The Money For Yourself!

According to OpenSecrets.org, Sarah Palin's political action committee, SarahPAC boasted $1.4 million in the third quarter—mighty impressive and an encouraging number for the candidates that constitute Palin's Picks, if only they actually received a good chunk of that money. But nope, Palin's PAC generously donated a meager $45,000 total to Republican candidates. That just over 3 percent. The generosity is really touching. Via OpenSecrets:

For the two-year 2014 cycle, the former Alaska governor's PAC, a vehicle that helps her stay in the game amid talk that she may run in the 2016 presidential contest, has raised $2.5 million on top of more than $1.1 million that was in the bank at the start of the cycle. It has spent $2.7 million, with about $150,000 — or 5.5 percent — going to candidates.

Let it be noted that four of the 15 congressional candidates she has endorsed won their primaries. So what the hell is she doing with the rest of the money? Well, Raw Story points out she made a payment to HarperCollins, who published all three of her books. Because I find the mere suggestion of the rest of this money being held (as hostage) for a potential 2016 candidacy, here's a list of things Sarah Palin should invest her money in:

  • Better equipment for her subscription channel
  • Writers for her subscription channel
  • A high school American history class (not from Texas or Colorado)
  • A high school English/grammar class
  • A WWE-type wrestling confederation that specializes in family brawls
  • PalinTown!: an interactive theme park where there is no management, everyone works minimum wage (or go vegan in purgatory or something), and Lib'rls dressed up in zombie donkey costumes jump out of nowhere and scare the visitors by throwing birth control pills at them. And everyday at 6:66pm, there's a Russian "flyby" and the animatronic Putin puppet "rears his head" and says, "Da, Obola!"

Taking suggestions!