Illustration for article titled Sarah Palin is Confused and Upset and Wearing Frosted Lipstick For Some Reason

Hopeful that a foray into 1984 fashion would bring about a 1984-style President with Reaganesque hair, Sarah Palin, expert clause attacher, appeared on Fox News last night to appear very worried and upset, and let America know that we're living in a "perplexing time." That makes one of us, Sarah.


Upset by the growing irrelevance of her viewpoint and her inability to shape reality into bite-sized, Jesus holding a stack of $100 bills-shaped pieces, Palin expressed her frustration to Von Susteren, appearing to understand that it was only a matter of time before her shiny President Romney dreams were crushed. Crushed like the mirror ball Dancing With the Stars trophy that Bristol will never win! Visibly upset, she says,

I just cannot believe that the majority of Americans believe that incurring more debt is good for the economy, for our children's future, for job creators. I just cannot believe that the majority of Americans believe that it's OK to ignore the constitution and not have a budget.

Her America flag pin glinted mournfully on her lapel. She went on,

Unfortunately we know what we will get with 4 more years of Obama. This really is a catastrophic setback to our economy and to any opportunity that we would have uh for Supreme Court justices to be appointed who would be strict adherents to the traditional interpretation of what our Constitution says. And what we'll get in 4 years is more debt because Barack Obama has been one to believe that government spending is the answer to the challenges facing America and our job creators. And I'm crossin' my fingers, Greta.


According to exit polls, Hurricane Sandy played a role in a surprising percentage of people's votes yesterday. And according to election results, a giant MITT FOR PREZ prayer effort failed to pan out in favor of the former Governor of Massachusetts as well. Which leads us to the awkward conclusion that either God, like, destroy-the-Rockaways-adamantly did not want Mitt Romney to be President, or God does not care about Presidential elections. Either way, we know for sure now that he's not taking orders from Sarah Palin.

Perplexing times, indeed.


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