Samsung Thinks Women Will Fall for a Creep With a Nice Watch

Between the royalty-free stock music playing in the background, the whole goddamn narrative of a dude’s robot-watch helping him ‘get the girl,’ and the fact that this commercial goes on for more than two minutes, I can’t tell which part of this Samsung Galaxy Gear ad makes my right eye twitch more.

But really, who could have foreseen that what began as normal day of shredding the proverbial gnar would end in a story-book romance? One that — despite a third-wheeling doofus’s attempt to sneer-chuckle his way into Aimee’s heart — remained unfettered, thanks to Jack (Jacques?)’s calculated sleazy moves to win Aimee over including but not limited to:

1. Requesting Aimee’s number so he can show her “something cool”—hands down the worst way to get a girl’s number. (Music: “AcousticMiddayWinterSleighRide.mp2”)
2. Following Aimee as she snowboards down the hill, documenting her every move in 64 photo and video files. (Music: “PunkyActionRiff.aac”)
3. Purposefully dropping his phone so he can show Aimee how easily he can find it on a gross bar floor, which is supposed to be more impressive than being able to hold onto the damn phone in the first place. (Music: “ElectroKlub.wma”)

Apparently, similar to that kid in 4th grade who had a GameBoy printer or a full-grown dude that uses magic to pick up women, Samsung’s concept of love is based on the idea that if you show a girl enough cool shit in an attempt to suspend her understanding of reality, she’ll have to fall for you. Get ready to fall hard this season, ladies.