Sam Bee With a Good Reminder: 'Your Dick Is Objectively the Worst Thing About You'

Dick-stomping feminist buzzkill Samantha Bee has some advice for men who are “getting concerned about how they can avoid getting accused” in light of Harvey Weinstein’s sexual assault and harassment allegations, which is: don’t whip your dick out in front of people.

“I find its quite easy to not masturbate in front of my employees,” she says in a new PSA. “In fact, it’s one of the easiest things I don’t do!”


She lays out some simple rules for men to follow: “Don’t masturbate in front of people who haven’t specifically asked you to, and even then, stop and ask yourself: What is our power dynamic? Is there a chance in hell that this person might only be agreeing to see my hideous dick out of fear for their career?” If so, don’t fucking whip it out, okay?

If that’s not incentive enough to behave like a human being, remember this: to most women, your penis looks like a bloated, rotting eggplant, infested with maggots. “Your dick,” Bee reminds us, “is objectively the worst thing about you.”

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Prachi Gupta

Prachi Gupta is a senior reporter at Jezebel.

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