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As with any over-confident, swindling white boy with unmitigated access to billions of consumer dollars, the tale of Bankman-Fried (SBF, for short) and his swift downfall is full of eccentricities. For one, Bankman-Fried is somewhat of a pseudointellectual nepo baby: SBF is the son of two Stanford professors. His father, in particular, is a clinical psychologist, a law professor at Stanford Law School, and “a leading scholar in the field of tax law,” according to his SLS biography. Daddy is reportedly in the Bahamas supporting SBF at the moment, although he doesn’t appear to have supported FTX’s bookkeeping given that the multi-billion dollar organization was using Quickbooks to track their expenditures. Quickbooks…the one used by small nonprofits, holiday gift shops, and one-person shows.

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Much like disgraced WeWork founder and fraudster Adam Neumann, SBF also played a shrewd game of image manipulation, concocting a younger millennial iteration of the Mark Zuckerburg boy genius archetype. SBF was often spotted in plain cotton t-shirts and unbrushed hair, and exuded an “unmade bed” demeanor. He wore shorts to meetings, was said to frequently nap on office beanbags for all to see, and appeared fixated on being perceived as the personification of “I woke up like this.” For this reason, I shall call him the Toddler Fraudster. The Fraud-ler. (I will keep workshopping this one.)

I won’t harp on men who get the privilege of dressing like unkempt tweens, because I believe whole-heartedly that we should be able to labor while wearing whatever makes us most comfortable. But it’s the strange manipulation of the man-baby image for financial gain that gives me the ick: Investors, politicians, and celebrities (looking at you, the couple formerly known as Mr. and Mrs. Bündchen) were enticed to work with the boy-wonder because of his boyishness, while over-qualified POC women and femmes are waving their hands screaming “YOO HOO, what about us?” for their own fundraising rounds.

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SBF has apologized in a manic Twitter thread that harkens on the emotional intensity of the original Zola thread without any of the ingenuity. In it, he says he is sorry in a variety of ways 16 different times, including “I’m sorry,” “I fucked up,” “should have done better,” “it’s on me,” “I fucked up twice,” “I was off twice,” “I was shit at [things],” and “I sincerely apologize.” This roundabout Twitter apology tour has the sincerity of a serial cheater thirty seconds away from telling you the dog walker accidentally tripped onto his dick on the way over to your house.

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The ideological appeal of crypto was founded on the promise of financial equality—that anyone, regardless of class, demographic, or location, should have access to the trading rat race and reap its benefits. But if SBF has shown us anything, it’s that under-experienced privileged white boys are never going to fully satisfy the savior complex cycling through their own heads. You thought SBF of all people was going to solve financial inequality? The guy who saw the ice storm coming, glanced at the shivering temperatures, and decided it was an opportune time to lick the frozen lamp post? Think again.