It’s well-documented that I thoroughly dislike Christmas. Fortunately, I’m in robust company. Don’t believe me? Just check the comments via that link.
Despite all of the reasons society tells us to like it—presents! parties! Papa Noël!—there’s even more to hate this holiday. And since the beginning of time, Christmas music—beyond its cheery chimes and stupid little bells—has told us exactly why. In short: depression, addiction, grief, poverty. Contrary to Andy Williams, it’s the sad-saddiest season of all.
As a martyr of the Claus, I have a playlist prepared for this time of year, one I reserve for staring wistfully out of the nearest window as I wait until January 1. And because I am nothing if not totally generous—moved by the Christmas spirit, if you will—I’ve ranked 15 of my favorites. But if you were expecting “Blue Christmas,” you’re not a real hater, you’re just glad tidings in Grinch clothing.
Sit back, relax, and let the music make you suffer an existential crisis.