Cruises as we know them may never be the same thanks to covid-19, because if we’ve learned anything from years of norovirus poop cruise horror stories, nothing spreads contagions like a tightly packed ship.
But Royal Caribbean isn’t ready to give up just yet, despite overwhelming evidence that the days of germ-riddled cruises should probably just end. In what seems like an incredibly optimistic move, the company is seeking to trademark its own branded face mask—Seaface, they’ll call it. Per People:
According to the patent application, Seaface products would be “sanitary masks for virus isolation purposes,” which would be used for “cruise ship services.” The company could not confirm how the masks would be implemented or used on board their fleet if they are approved.
As someone who still cannot wrap her head around the new normal of everyone wearing face masks when we leave the house (obviously I’m doing it too), I struggle to imagine how the Seaface would play out. Is it waterproof so you can still take a dip in the pool? Does it have a unsealable slit through which you can jam a margarita straw, or is there a separate mask with the straw attached? Will a Seaface tan lines be a thing?
You couldn’t pay me enough to board a cruise even in the best of times, but apparently, there are plenty of people ready to hit the buffet like none of this ever happened. Royal Caribbean plans to resume operations on June 12 for the majority of its fleet, and July 1 for Canadian sailings.
In the immortal words of Anthony Fauci: “People on a large ship, all together, at the same time, all the time—you couldn’t ask for a better incubator for infection.”