Rihanna's Hat Is Giving Me a Heart Attack

Rihanna's Hat Is Giving Me a Heart Attack

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Image: NGRE (Backgrid)

I thought Rihanna was doing fine. Paparazzi spotted her out and about last night at celebrity hotspot Georgio Baldi, in Santa Monica. In her signature style, she sported a bright red coat and cardigan, unbuttoned just enough to reveal her belly button and her lack of a bra, while on her head there was a hat. It was a troublesome hat. A worrisome hat, even.

Upon first glance, my heart stopped. I fell on the floor, dead as a dead person, and just lay there for a while, until the blood started pumping through my frozen corpse. When I regained my senses, I sat back at my computer, eyes still cloudy with the fog of death. I rubbed them some, saw the hat once more, and died all over again.

I was stuck in this death cycle for approximately 20 minutes. I couldn’t stop looking at the hat, nor could I click away from it, and banish it from my sight permanently. Slowly, the image was laser-etched into my retinas, and I was doomed to have her fit haunt me forever.

Finally, I mustered the courage to scroll to the next picture.

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Oh, ok

Oh, ok

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Unlike my initial impression of her outfit, Rihanna did not rock an LAPD hat on her paparazzi excursion. Everyone can let out that collective sigh of relief now. Instead, her hat was in apparent support of the Los Angeles Fire Department, who I’m sure do quite a lot, with all those wildfires we have here now.

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I’m still feeling a little mentally unstable

I’m still feeling a little mentally unstable

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I have probably been drinking too many white can Monster energy drinks, which I’m sure do a fun little tango with all the anti-depressants coursing through my blood system.

I wish she had gone with a sneaker

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I wish she had gone with a sneaker

I wish she had gone with a sneaker

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Where can I get these jeans? I like them.

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Ok, but time for some real HONESTY Rihanna!!!!!

Ok, but time for some real HONESTY Rihanna!!!!!

Illustration for article titled Rihanna's Hat Is Giving Me a Heart Attack
Image: NGRE (Backgrid)

Can society collectively retire the lettered trucker hat, in all its iterations? Society has no need for lettered trucker hats in 2021.

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