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Rihanna is roundly regarded as one of mankind’s loveliest specimens. She looks lovely when she’s crying. She looks lovely when she’s being sneakily videotaped by her asshole friend. She pulls off outfits that would make the rest of us look like Kimmy Schmidt set loose in a Delia’s warehouse.

You know what Rihanna can’t do? She can’t wink. She looks like a doofus. It’s unsettling.


Rihanna’s confidence suggests she has no idea that anything is amiss with her face, probably because no one has ever told her. Do you want to be the hapless assistant/photographer/handler to break that news? “Rihanna, darling, you’re still incredibly sexy but what you’re actually doing is mashing both eyes shut.” No thanks.

A well-executed wink has the power to melt the innards of its intended target. RIhanna already has that power in spades—her entire person is, essentially, one long, human-shaped wink. Is this the universe’s attempt at leveling the playing field?