You know how President Obama’s secret Muslim agenda has forced Christians to hide their beliefs, lest they be targeted for extra screening at airports and taunted for wearing their cross necklaces while grocery shopping? Well, Rick Perry is through with cowering in fear! In this new campaign, Perry declares, “I’m not ashamed to admit I’m a Christian,” and goes on to condemn gay soldiers for stealing Christmas, or something. We lost our Obama-issued tactical manual from when we were drafted into a war on religious freedom.