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Report Cruelly Suggests Mariah Carey Has Been Unceremoniously Dumped By That Billionaire

Image via Getty.

Today’s earth-shattering news that Mariah Carey and that billionaire James Packer have split less than a year after announcing their engagement has proven two things: 1) no amount of money can prevent someone from getting cold feet, and 2) I have no idea what I’m talking about when it comes to celebrity romances, because I honestly thought this one would last.


Look at that photo of them above. Ahh, September 2015. A month when anything was possible—from love between a pop star and a billionaire, to the release and eventual success of a Nancy Meyers joint about a May-December workplace friendship called The Intern. But September 2015 is long gone, and Packer has packed himself up...and left Carey for good.

Allow Celebitchy to explain why the source of this rumor is important, albeit a bit rudely:

While Woman’s Day isn’t usually one of my go-to media outlets, I tend to think that they’re on to something in this case, mostly because they’re an Aussie tabloid and Packer is Australian, his home base is in Australia, and I think Woman’s Day might have some sources within the Packer family. And it’s clear that Packer is the one getting cold feet, like he suddenly came to his senses and realized that, oh right, Mariah is sort of a trainwreck.


P.S. they’re both still technically married to other people. How’s that for a vision of love?


Justin Timberlake went on NBC Presents: Jimmy Fallon’s Good Time Fun Show For Make Celebrities Seem Like People and claimed he “had no idea” taking a selfie in a voting booth was illegal! NEWSFLASH, JUSTIN: THAT DOESN’T MEAN IT’S OK, JUSTIN.

He said:

“I had no idea! I was like, this is going to be great. Inspire people to vote! Then it was like, womp womp womp.”


As you may know, Justin was able to AVOID being PUT TO JUSTICE, probably because he is part of the HOLLYWOOD ELITE.


Katy Perry will not let this Taylor Swift feud die, and I’m sort of OK with it! I believe pop stars have an obligation to feud with other pop stars in order to remain famous! Why not.


  • I read this as “Piers Morgan” first and gasped. [Page Six]
  • Quit telling everyone that Britney Spears is having nipple surgery! How many times do we have to tell you that Britney Spears is NOT having nipple surgery?! [Gossip Cop]
  • I would be pissed about paying $200 to watch Maddie Ziegler dance, too! [Page Six]
  • Scroll down to the photo of Annie, Kristen, Emma, and Katy sitting awkwardly beside each other. [People]
  • Drake introduced Taylor Swift to his mom, but it’s not because they’re in love or anything. [TMZ]

Staff Writer, Jezebel | Man

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Cherith Cutestory

I want Justin to rot in prison for what he did to Janet just like everyone else. But this law he broke is definitely 100% unconstitutional. Speech (and pictures are form of speech) about the government and voting is literally the point of the First Amendment.

Wheelchair Jimmy and a perpetual 16 year old girl? Degrassi brought to life. So, that would be fun. But how could anyone go from Rihanna to Taylor Swift? Impossible.