Relatable Woman Arrested for Smearing Peanut Butter on Cars She Thought Were At a Trump Rally

Mugshot via Portage County Jail/Stevens Point City Times
Mugshot via Portage County Jail/Stevens Point City Times

A Wisconsin woman described in reports as “drunk” and “yelling profanity” is accused of bursting into a meeting she thought was a Trump rally to yell about Donald Trump. When she was asked to leave, she allegedly used peanut butter to smear “phallic symbols” and curse words on several vehicles. Funny, I don’t remember being in Wisconsin?


WSAW reports that Christina Ferguson, 32, will be charged with disorderly conduct for smearing peanut butter on 30 vehicles outside what turned out to be the meeting of a local conservation group. Which sounds like a lot of dicks drawn in perfectly usable and delicious peanut butter, but is also, frankly, a natural reaction to the worst election in the history of human civilization.

The Stevens Point City Times reports that Ferguson was arrested at a nearby apartment complex, and that while a man in the apartment with said she’d be home all night, she was also “repeatedly licking her fingers” while talking to a police officer, they wrote, “indicating the presence of an edible substance.”

Ferguson eventually admitted to the vandalism, the Times says, but also pointed out that peanut buttering is, in the scheme of things, not that bad:

After being identified by a member of the conservation club, Ferguson then admitted to crashing the meeting and smearing vehicles with peanut butter. When asked why she did it, Ferguson become “very emotional”, according to the complaint, and talked about “how much she loved Hillary Clinton and hated Donald Trump.”

She also said she’d been “terrorized” by people who support Donald Trump.

“Peanut buttering is better than firebombing, and Trump plans on firebombing everybody in other countries,” she said, according to the complaint.

Ferguson also apologized when learning she had not actually peanut buttered Trump fans:

After the deputy explained to her that she’d actually interrupted the meeting of a nonprofit conservation organization, and that it was not a political meeting, she apologized and said she was “just fed up about the entire election.”


The rest of us have to make it 17 more days with peanut buttering anything, but I will understand if not everybody gets there.

Anna Merlan was a Senior Reporter at G/O Media until September 2019. She's the author of Republic of Lies: American Conspiracy Theorists and Their Surprising Rise to Power.



Relatable? Bullshit.

I would never waste peanut butter like that.