Registrar Trades Spanking For Fake Degrees • Kiwi Teen Fights Off Shark

• Possibly the most fucked-up headline we’ve read today: “Women given fetish degrees: A university registrar handed out forged degree certificates to black African women in exchange for spanking sessions to satisfy his kinky sexual desires, a court heard.” •

• A 14-year-old girl from New Zealand successfully fought off a shark on Monday by bashing it over the head with her body board. The shark’s bite ripped her wetsuit and scratched the skin, but the brave teen did not require any stitches for her injury. Marine scientist Clinton Duffy says her attacker was most likely a broad-nosed seven gill shark. • Dr. Lila E. Nachtigall says it’s “truly amazing” that doctors still don’t know what causes hot flashes. Considering the fact that medical professionals have known about them since the 17th century, we’re inclined to agree. • Holly Crawford, 35, went to trial today for her business selling “Gothic kittens” on the internet. While prosecutors say she inflicted pain on the cats for profit, Crawford said she never intended to hurt them, and she did everything in her power to make the piercings safe. • Today, lawmakers in the Netherlands may vote to ban bestiality and the production of animal pornography. Sex with animals had been legal in the Netherlands, and according to recent figures, Dutch filmmakers are responsible for some 80% of the animal porn videos worldwide. • Swedish police have arrested a man for terrorizing his musophobic ex-wife with mice. The angry husband dropped 19 mice through the mail slot at his ex’s house. She awoke to the nasty surprise, and was so terrified that she required hospitalization. • Oh. God. A 9-year-old girl in China has become one of the world’s youngest mothers after she gave birth to a baby boy. Police are currently working to establish who impregnated the young girl. • Yesterday Sarah Palin was directed by “a patriot in North Andover, Massachusetts,” to a week-old story about Rahm Emanuel using the phrase “fucking retarded” to describe a plan to attack conservative Democrats on health care. On her Facebook page she called for President Obama to fire him because, “Rahm’s slur on all God’s children with cognitive and developmental disabilities – and the people who love them – is unacceptable.” The White House responded that Rahm already apologized to the Chairman of the Special Olympics last week. • Are you just dying to know more about General Larry Platt, he of the “Pants on the Ground” fame? The Daily Beast is happy to oblige. • Some interesting new data from the website RealSelf.com breaks down plastic surgery ambitions by region. For example: Northeasterners are more likely to want nose jobs, while Southerners want lipo. But the more practical folk in DC want scar removal and straighter teeth. • The immigration hearing for Barack Obama’s aunt will be held out of the public eye, according to attorneys. Zeituni Polly Onyango’s case will be heard this Thursday, behind closed doors. • An Australian researcher took a look at the birthdays of professional football players and found that a disproportionate number were born in the early months of the year, and relatively few were born in December. He believes it may have something to do with the school year, which begins in January. • Another day, another article on violence among teen girls. It’s a growing phenomenon! And it is somehow tied to YouTube! “Boys always fought physically. Girls fought with social aggression, with slander and making rumors and all that stuff, and now it’s going this extra step. And girls are mean and they fight dirty. It’s hard to watch,” observed one psychologist on the Early Show. • A 19-year-old student from New Zealand says she has finalized a deal to auction off her virginity for $36,000. She wrote in her online ad, “I am offering my virginity by tender to the highest bidder as long as all personal safety aspects are observed. This is my decision made with full awareness of the circumstances and possible consequences.” •