Reese Witherspoon's Wall St Comedy Will Be Called Opening Belle. Gross.

Illustration for article titled Reese Witherspoon's Wall St Comedy Will Be Called Opening Belle. Gross.

Reese Witherspoon’s next project will be a “Wall Street comedy” called Opening Belle, after a book of the same name that hasn’t even hit bookstores yet. This is a bad title for a breezy, cute project about a mom just trying to work it in the soul-sucking world of high finance.

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Taking a survey of the Jezebel staff, we came up with several other projects for which Opening Belle would be a more appropriate title.

  • A medical procedural drama about a dedicated and gusty doctor who successfully executes the first ever lung transplant on a Disney princess;
  • A horror movie about a killer dismembering a Disney princess;
  • “A very sweet girl takes a trip to the gynecologist.” - Kate Dries
  • A movie about a woman named Belle having all sorts of vaginal experiences (think feature-length feel-good porn with a 70’s vibe);
  • A shy woman named Belle learns to love non-pornographically;
  • One half of indie-rock nap gods Belle & Sebastian becomes a kidney donor;
  • “A porn set in a belltower.” - Anna Merlan
  • Some asshole who studied abroad in Paris 15 years ago opens a wine bar in Brooklyn;
  • “It’s either extreme violence or vagina-related.” - Bobby Finger

Besides, if we’re going to do a female-centric Wall Street comedy set in 2007, everybody knows the best and only acceptable title is Stock Market Gash.


Contact the author at erin@jezebel.com.

DISCUSSION

deepestdarkest
TayTayTruther

So, after Legally Blonde and Opening Belle will she star in other ill-titled chick flicks that MUST let you know she is, like, a girl in a man’s world?

A revenge thriller called Ovary Action, The 40 Year Old Surgeon, Reese and Melissa McCarthy at nascar —Hot Broads!, a Marine Corps romp called Devil Dame...