Reese Witherspoon’s next project will be a “Wall Street comedy” called Opening Belle, after a book of the same name that hasn’t even hit bookstores yet. This is a bad title for a breezy, cute project about a mom just trying to work it in the soul-sucking world of high finance.

Taking a survey of the Jezebel staff, we came up with several other projects for which Opening Belle would be a more appropriate title.

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  • A medical procedural drama about a dedicated and gusty doctor who successfully executes the first ever lung transplant on a Disney princess;
  • A horror movie about a killer dismembering a Disney princess;
  • “A very sweet girl takes a trip to the gynecologist.” - Kate Dries
  • A movie about a woman named Belle having all sorts of vaginal experiences (think feature-length feel-good porn with a 70’s vibe);
  • A shy woman named Belle learns to love non-pornographically;
  • One half of indie-rock nap gods Belle & Sebastian becomes a kidney donor;
  • “A porn set in a belltower.” - Anna Merlan
  • Some asshole who studied abroad in Paris 15 years ago opens a wine bar in Brooklyn;
  • “It’s either extreme violence or vagina-related.” - Bobby Finger

Besides, if we’re going to do a female-centric Wall Street comedy set in 2007, everybody knows the best and only acceptable title is Stock Market Gash.

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