Reese Witherspoon's Sorry She Was a Bratty Jerk While Getting Arrested

Reese Witherspoon totally regrets that she Tracy Flicked out on the cop who pulled her and husband Jim Toth over around midnight on Friday, booking Toth for a DUI and Witherspoon for disorderly conduct (Reese yelled "Do you know my name?" at the cop and claimed that he was not a real police officer). Above, find her sassafrassy mug shot.

She's released the following statement via her rep:

"Out of respect for the ongoing legal situation, I cannot comment on everything that is being reported right now. But I do want to say, I clearly had one drink too many and I am deeply embarrassed about the things I said.

It was definitely a scary situation and I was frightened for my husband, but that is no excuse. I was disrespectful to the officer who was just doing his job. The words I used that night definitely do not reflect who I am. I have nothing but respect for the police and I'm very sorry for my behavior."

Maybe her new brown hair is having a Betty/Veronica effect? #science [People, In Touch]

Let the "Norwegian Wood" headline jokes commence, for it does appear that Justin Bieber and Selena Gomez maybe, kind of, sort of hooked up while they were in Norway at the same time. Yesterday, El Beebo posted a shot of the two cuddling on his Instagram page, but quickly took it down. (He also still has a shot of Selena as his phone background. I mean, he may as well have been photographed wearing a wedding ring, right?)

Anyway, tl;dr, the sex lives of children. [NYDN]

It is pretty unsurprising that nobody at Coachella cares about Tara Reid, considering Coachella is comprised entirely of fake Zooey Deschanels and one real Zooey Deschanel who all have vintage typewriters where their TVs used to be. However, Reid got kicked out of All Saints after being refused a discount based on her "fame" and pitching a shit-fit.

"She was screaming,” said a source. “She had to be escorted out by security. She seemed drunk.”

[Page Six]

Some gossip-blogger-turned-memoirist who's read too much old-school Bret Easton Ellis recalls sitting in a club bathroom and watching Lindsay Lohan snort some yay.

The PR girl opens the bathroom door for us to walk through and stands guard outside. It’s candlelit, but the light makes my pupils shrink. Lindsay goes straight for the toilet, pulling her dress up and sitting (no underwear) and one of her breasts is hanging out the top of the dress. I start to wash my hands and she asks me, ‘So, what’s your story?’ before doing an uneven line of coke off her wrist.

I say, ‘Nothing… just, y’know… partying.’”

I’m watching Lindsay do coke to my right, that pale tit hanging out, and it takes a couple of seconds to kick in that it’s intentional. I’m supposed to see this. She wants me to. And she’s doing more coke, raising her eye-brows at me like, ‘Want some?’ She sniffs. Snorts. She swabs a little in her mouth and I’ve heard about this kind of thing on TV and in the papers, but it’s different seeing it: the chick from Mean Girls doing blow on the toilet next to me. She’s not the same girl anymore. Something’s changed. She’s lost her way and seeing it is freaking me out.

Wow, bro, your prose way illuminates the moral vacuousness of celebrity culture. [Radar Online]

• Chrissy Amphlett, lead singer of Australian group Divinyls ("I Touch Myself"), has passed away at 53. [Billboard]
• A judge threw Wiz Khalifa's lawsuit out of court. [TMZ]
• Although rumor has it that Kanye West has bailed on Kim Kardashian and fled to Paris, I guess rumors aren't always true. [TMZ]
• Shocker: Farrah Abraham is a little shithead. "Abraham was disrespectful to the network that made her famous, calling the MTV crew that followed her for [Teen Mom] her “workers.” “She told me, ‘They work for me!’" [Page Six]
• Snoop Lion had a 4/20 party (go figure) that got shut down by cops. [NYDN]
• And now, Instagram documentation of Rihanna's weekend, featuring her hanging poolside with an unidentified child. [Bossip]
• While Ozzy Osbourne was high the last few months, he thought that Sharon was plotting to do away with him. [Radar]
• Here's Lana del Rey's song for The Great Gatsby soundtrack, "Young and Beautiful." [Direct Lyrics]
• Joe Jonas attempted to be "low-key" and "not a Jonas brother" at the Tribeca Film Festival. [Page Six]
• Emma Roberts sang Adele into a beer bottle to her boyfriend Evan Peters. [Page Six]
• If you haven't already seen this shot of Bradley Cooper at the bedside of a Boston Marathon bombing victim, I suggest you follow the link. Coop-a-doop's heart is as big as his abs. [NYDN]
• Extremely important picture of Alex Pettyfer kissing Betty White. [Us Weekly]
• Katie Holmes and Suri Cruise got their paws and claws done. [People]
• Kendra Wilkinson was hospitalized for a car crash in L.A. but she's OK now. [Daily Mail]
• Amanda Bynes, Amanda Bynes, Amanda Bynes. ._. [Radar Online]
• Kate Middleton and her gestating baby hit up a Scout event in a hella Anthropologie looking coat. [Us Weekly]
• Today's dose of weirdness: "Paul McCartney doing a “lengthy” headstand at the Four Seasons Hotel gym in L.A." [Page Six]
• Emma Watson's friends made 23 pinatas for her 23rd birthday celebration in New York last week, and she was "gobsmacked" to see them. I think they sell gobsmacks at Honeydukes. [The Sun]
• Jack Black met his wife when he was 18 but waited another 15 years to ask her out because he was skurred. [Tv3ie]

Images via AP