Illustration for article titled Redhead Wench Makes Triumphant Return as a Rum-Swilling Pirate at Disney World
Screenshot: YouTube

Disney announced in 2017 that they’d be upgrading their “Pirates of the Caribbean” ride to be slightly less pro-selling of women. (Vintage riders will remember that the pirates once sold “brides” as part of their schtick.) The famous “redhead” wench who once stood on the auction block for bidders would be recast as a pirate. Well, she’s here, and she’s got a blunderbuss.


Fox News reports that the new pillager made her debut at the Magic Kingdom on Monday and has been blessed with a name: Redd. In her new role, Redd is fairly talkative, especially about alcohol. She’s a “cool girl,” for sure.


So, what’s for sale, if not comely wenches? Chickens, me hearty, which I personally find very rude. As does Redd, apparently. She responds to the auctioneers taunts by saying, “Send your hens to Davy Jones. It’s the rum they want!” then adds, “Drink up me hearties! Yo ho ho!”

This is word for word what I shouted in a bar last Saturday, so thank you Disney for creating roles for women that reflect my lived experience.

Contributing Writer, writing my first book for the Dial Press called The Lonely Hunter, follow me on Twitter @alutkin

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