Reader Roundup: How To Properly Handle Your Penis & Your Johnston

Today's best comments make us scared for the future of our country.

Best Comment Of The Day in response to Instead Of Sex Ed, Kids Are Getting Something Quite Different:

The penis is a weapon. Can the NRA's material be repurposed with a few CTRL+F commands?

"Always store your penis unloaded and make use of a trigger lock. If possible, keep your penis in a penis safe designed specifically to keep your penis away from little hands that might not know how dangerous your penis can be.
"When using your penis for target practice, keep the safety engaged until you are ready to ejaculate and never, ever point your penis at something you don't intend to penetrate."

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Best Comment Of The Day in response to Levi Will Run For Mayor Of Wasilla, Just To Make His Life Interesting:

Suggestions for campaign slogans:
1. Cover your ass with Levi!
2. The Wasilliest Candidate
3. Fishin' for votes, Shootin' the shit, just fuckin' rulin' I guess

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• Another Best Comment Of The Day in response to Levi Will Run For Mayor Of Wasilla:

I don't understand why it's taken this long to combine politics and reality TV. There is serious opportunity here! After all, more people voted for American Idol than in the presidential election of '04, amirite? Here are some ideas, producers:

-The Hill: Follows members of Congress scheming and making closed-door deals, pondering their lives over brunch
-The Real Representatives of [fill in the name of state]: Members of the House of Representatives discuss how rich they are, occasionally auction off all their belongs—and possibly a few of their congressional districts—because they're actually in a lot of debt, even more occasionally pass actual legislation
-America's Next Top President: Let's face it, the electoral college isn't really working. A Tyra-like host—personally I'd like to see Jim Lehrer in this role—guides candidates through assorted challenges, eliminating one per episode until the free world has a leader. The winner gets 4 years in the White House, plus a cover of Marie Claire, a contract with Elite, and an ad campaign for CoverGirl.

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Best Comment Of The Day honorable mention goes to these hilarious baseball puns in response to The World's Most Chivalrous Boyfriend.



Reminder: Rather than emailing us your daily comment nominations, we'd like you to submit them in the tips box at the top of the page. So send us your nominations via that box — complete with the outstanding comment's URL — and tag your nomination #cotd. (Replying to a comment with "#cotd" does not work.) From here on out, we'll mine through the brilliance via the Comment of the Day tag page.

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