Just like the New York Times crossword puzzle, I am dumb on Mondays and get smarter as the week goes on. Luckily, our commenters are sharp as tacks every single day! Don't cut yourself on today's best comments:

Best Comment Of The Day, in response to We've Found The Man You're Looking For: "As you well know a spiritual guy like me who is super cool has everything he wants except a Functional Grasp of the english Language and a nice arse to grope. You see I know what I want and what I want is an underdog and your Hopefully Desperate Enough to stay with me let me touch your you know whats and be happy that I think you are Special. I just love a self motivated dreamer who dreams dreams but Not About Me because I am Not the Answer. Your Face Is Not Important because I am very specific about what I like and you have a slim waist, right? I am also a Totally Legit Business Man and will take you to all the best Strip Clubs and your not gonna get away because my goons don't play. Call me." • Best Comment Of The Day, in response to Miss USA's Bigot Backlash And Stripping Scandal Begins Now!:

They came first for the Presidency
And I didn't speak up because I was foaming at the mouth

Then they came for the constitution
And I didn't speak up because have you seen that thing it's long as fuck, who has the time to read that shit?

Then they came for the Health Care
And I tried to write some signs but spelling is hard guys.

Then they came for the Beauty Pageants
And I was all HELL NO. White ladies in bikinis or bust am I right?

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Best Comment Of The Day, in response to Meet The Human Personification Of A Tampon: "The day my tampons start talking to me is the day I change my medication." You Say: "Tampons don't generally talk to people because they're stuck up bitches."

Reminder: If you see a great, funny, insightful, eloquent (or awful) comment, nominate it! Email the comment and the timestamp link to the left of the comment to Hortense at commenters@jezebel.com.

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