Reader Roundup

This Thirsty Thursday calls for a toast to the best, as usual. We can also drink to forget the worst, and maybe pour out a little for AMQ.

Best Comment Of The Day, in response to In Other News From Nineties Icons Who Have Had Trouble Getting Work: “Fangs, but no fangs.” • Best Comment Of The Day, in response to Bill O’Reilly Wants To “Pound” Eve Ensler “Into Pudding With Intellectual Arguments.”: “Someone tell Bill that all the women can’t decide what to do until the Great Vagina visits us on Valentine’s Day. We’ll put his request in then.” And! “What kind of pudding? Spotted dick?” • Best Comment Of The Day, in response to Palin’s Poll Numbers Drop; “Professor” Comments Draw Fire: “The more people turn on her the more radical she will become. She’ll sink her own battleship and then blame the ocean for having water.” • Best Comment Of The Day, in response to The Real Love Lessons Of Romantic Comedies:

Real Love Lessons That Will Make Sure Your Life Is Never A Hollywood-style Romantic Comedy:

Be fat: Fat girls can’t find love, because they are too busy looking for a sandwich.

Be slutty: Women who enjoy sex with men who are not their One True Love are the enemy and all men rightfully despise them (often while sleeping with them but secretly yearning for a Good Girl to act as their penis’ true north)

Be non-white: If you are very lucky, you will offer sassy advice to your thin white friend who will be scandalized by it but may try it out. Her result: Wacky hijinks that lead to love! Your result: Ten minutes of screen time, tops.

Be a lesbian: Two women falling in love? And not just making out in an attempt to get a man’s attention? That is MADNESS. No one would watch this clearly made-up scenario.

Other things to avoid: enjoying your career, not wanting to have children, being able to clear up misunderstandings by asking simple questions, and not being obsessed by the Holy Grail of a woman’s life: MARRIAGE.

However, if your name is Katherine Heigl… I’m sorry. It’s too late for you.

• Worst Comment Of The Day, in response to It’s Impossible To Have “A Benetton Heart” And A “White Supremacist Dick”: “I would have been much more interested in what a white Jezebel writer had to say about this whole Mayer mess. I understand that Latoya is the go-to girl for all things racially loaded, but still. As for John Mayer—eternal baby boy. Yuck. He will not age well, intellectually or physically. I keep hearing Steely Dan’s ‘Hey Nineteen’ in my head. Mothers, don’t let your daughters date John Mayer.” We say: “A ‘white Jezebel writer’ wrote about it yesterday. Nor is Latoya the ‘go to girl for all things racially loaded.’ Do you even read this site?”

Reminder: If you see a great, funny, insightful, eloquent (or awful) comment, nominate it! Email the comment and the timestamp link to the left of the comment to Hortense at [email protected].