Thirsty Thursday! Let's toast to the best comments of the day. But be careful: These quips are so funny, your champagne might go down the wrong pipe.

Best Comment Of The Day, in response to What Would Happen If Tim Tebow Partnered With Doritos?: "So much for Doritos' plans for a 'Nacho Uterus' flavor." • Best Comment Of The Day, in response to Glamour Pees On Motorcycle, Tells You It's Raining: "I'm so glad that Glamour suggested using warm water and a moisturizing cleanser to wash my face. I can't tell you how sick I was getting of taking my face down to the river and beating it on rocks." • Best Comment Of The Day, in response to "Why Do You Think You're Different?": You know what? DON'T try it. We don't need you, Miss Specialpants who thinks she's smarter than a DOCTOR. Just go stand over there in the corner in your white dress and try not to bleed all over yourself. See if the big man on campus is going to want you now, because you know what? He won't. He's going to go to the Box Social with Martha Sue, because she knows how to take care of her own box, for goodness' sake! Maybe if you're lucky, your parents won't DISOWN you."• Best Comment Of The Day, in response to Marry Him: A Diet Book For Your Love Life: "A good man is like a gold pooping, rainbow peeing unicorn. Rare and precious. You might really, really want a pink one, but you know you'd be an idiot to pass on one just because it's green. So reel him in and stop being a whiny little bitch. Gold poop is gold poop, people." • Best Comment Of The Day, in response to 5 Things That Will Make The iPad Worth My Money:

5 Things That Will Make the iPad Worth My Money
1. Doubles as hoverboard (see: BTTF 2).
2. Built-in app called "Ryan Gosling Compliments You On Your Outfit And The Knock-Knock Joke You Just Told." I guess the name of the app could be a little snappier.
3. Scratch-and-sniff capability.
4. App for telling you whether or not your shirt is inside-out or backwards or unevenly buttoned. Could be integrated with Ryan Gosling app ("Hey girl, your left boob's hanging out").
5. Softer texture and drool-resistant coating, to replace contemporary analog pillows (useful on public transit and airplanes).

Reminder: If you see a great, funny, insightful, eloquent (or awful) comment, nominate it! Email the comment and the timestamp link to the left of the comment to Hortense at commenters@jezebel.com.



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