Today's best comments: You'll laugh! You'll cry! Better than Avatar!

Best Comment Of The Day, in response to Does American Apparel's New Nail Polish Contain Hazardous Material?: "One of the dangerous side effects is bushy, handlebar-shaped upper lip facial hair growth." • Best Comment Of The Day, in response to Neo-Nazi Stage Mom Fashions Self As White Power Matchmaker: "April Gaede's new dating website: OKKKupid." And!: "Finally, an alternative to J-Date!" • Best Comment Of The Day, in response to Chanel Haute Couture: For Lolitas Who Lunch:

Scene: Grand Dame Lagerfeld's secret underground bunker in the Arctic circle. Lagerfeld transcribes to his polar bear assistants nearby while Josephine Baker makes canapés.

Dame Lagerfeld: I vant ze vampire spaceship in gold und silver mit giant bow accents. How difficult ees eet to get a completely functioning shuttle plated in gold for my trips to ze moon?

Polar Bears: Grande Dame, the NASA is being frightfully difficult. We've even eaten their programmers. They won't consent to sparkled interiors or lamé suits.

Lagerfeld: Nein! Vat did they theenk of the spiked gloves?

The polar bears glance at each other.

Josephine Baker: canapé, anybody? Oh, Karl. You do not look well. Is the interplanetary domination tiring you? I told you the laser bows would fail.

Lagerfeld: Josie, I do not know vat ees happening. All around me is failure. I haven't even conquered the Milky Way yet!

Josephine: How is your Chanel show going?

Lagerfeld: Oh Zat? Ees done. I had a few voles und happy mediums wrap it up in no time. Zey come up with some of ze strangest ideas. But these petty humans will not know ze difference.

Josephine: Canapé?

Reminder: If you see a great, funny, insightful, eloquent (or awful) comment, nominate it! Email the comment and the timestamp link to the left of the comment to Hortense at commenters@jezebel.com.

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