On April of 2014, rapper Andre “Christ Bearer” Johnson cut off his penis and jumped off a second-story balcony while high on PCP. In the past year, the penis—thank you for asking—has been reattached and Johnson ;););) has reflected on his actions and arrived at the conclusion that cutting off his penis and jumping off a balcony was probably a mistake.

JUST KIDDING. He’s actually thrilled with himself!

“I did cut a lot of my penis off. Due to the fact that it’s not a myth, the black man do — I’m not really going to go into it too much — we hangin’, so I’m still able to work with what I’m able to work with, and get it down,” he told VladTV.

“I’m the only man ever did what the fuck I did, and I’m proud of it,” he added. “Because why? In the annals of history, I don’t think you got anybody who ever did it. I might’ve made the biggest mistake ever in history. But I’m proud of that.”

Whatever gives you confidence, Andre!

[Page Six]


While we’re on the topic of dicks, here’s some news about the Duggars! In Touch has revealed that off-duty cops in Tontitown, Arkansas—where the Duggars live—have been hired to guard the family despite the police department’s ongoing investigation on them. “Emails obtained exclusively by In Touch through a Freedom of Information Act request reveal that the interim police chief of Tontitown OKed the off-duty work,” the tabloid reports. [In Touch]


Amber Heard—dog smuggler, Johnny Depp marry-er, and rumored actress—opened up to The Times about being bisexual, saying, “I don’t want to have to deny my sexuality in order to be me. But I don’t want to have to be defined by it. I’m fundamentally opposed to trying to edit myself to be palatable or popular. I don’t give a fuck. I fight, but I shouldn’t have to.” Okie doke! [US Weekly]


  • “Man, you know, I don’t plan relationships. They just happen...It’s no mistakes in life, though — only lessons,” says Big Sean about his time with famous baby Ariana Grande. [ONTD]
  • Dylan and Cole Sprouse, twins who have appeared on television, played a little switcheroo prank at their college graduation.[US Weekly]
  • Naya Rivera, a pregnant woman, sat in the sun. [Too Fab]
  • Despite what you may have heard, Selena Gomez did not fake her relationship with Zedd for publicity, which is why she is still talking about it publicly. [Gossip Cop]
  • She also didn’t fake eating ice cream with Cody Simpson, so don’t you dare say that she did! [OK!]
  • While all this other dumb shit was happening, Lupita Nyong’o has been saving elephants in Kenya. [People]

Images via Facebook and Getty.

Contact the author at madeleine@jezebel.com.