'Racy' Calendars Stolen, Thieves Leave 'Fuck the Patriarchy' Signs

Earlier this month, someone stole $2000 worth of “racy” calendars from a kiosk in the Metro Atlanta Mall of Georgia. But this wasn’t your average shoplifting job: The thieves left behind placards saying “Sorry, misogyny is out of stock,” “the female body is not a commodity,” and, yes, “fuck the patriarchy.”

WSB-TV spoke to an employee, who said “all the girlie calendars” were taken. Think Sports Illustrated and Dallas Cowboys cheerleaders.

It gets weirder! WSB-TV reports that someone has claimed responsibility anonymously on a website for “Christian anarchists” called JesusRadicals.com. The perpetrators explain themselves:

Every day on the way to work, we had to walk by this kiosk. Each passing encounter forced a specific sexuality and beauty standard upon us, and we couldn’t take it anymore. We were sick of being told that our worth is equivalent to what aesthetic pleasure our bodies can afford someone else (typically a man).

The post also goes into great detail about how they pulled off this marvelous caper they’re so delighted with, as well as providing helpful hints for your own misadventure. Never mind that if you’ve got to be told to wear face-obscuring hat while stealing, you’re probably never going to be Danny Ocean.

“Be cautious, but don’t be paranoid. This was (and should be) easy and fun!” the post concludes.

Now, it’s not entirely clear who did the stealing, or whether they are actually Christian anarchists. It looks like the folks who run JesusRadicals.com were simply providing a platform, and they told WSB-TV they didn’t know anything more than what’s in the post. But if you’re wondering WTF a Christian anarchist is, this comes from the site’s about page:

Our primary focus is to explore the theologically practical politics of a Jesus-centered life and how that way of life may benefit from a critical engagement with anarchist political stances (defined broadly as a commitment to critique of all forms of domination).

Unfortunately, this isn’t going to do much to convince Sports Illustrated or anyone else to stop making their calendars. It’s actually the woman who runs the kiosk that’s going to be left holding the bag here, unless someone brings the stolen merch back: “I can write off damaged products; I can’t write off missing product,” she told WSB. “We are a small business that is just trying to make a living.”

Maybe flyers left on top of the calendars would’ve been just as effective?

Regardless, you should definitely do yourself a favor and watch this news coverage, in which a couple of Atlanta news dudes attempt to wrap their heads around this story. It’s priceless.