Raccoons Are Taking Over Central Park, Thank God

Image via Getty.
Image via Getty.

It’s about time animals took back New York City. If the world is ending, I want to hand a gang of Rockets the keys to the earth.


The New York Times reported in mid-November that 22 raccoons gathered at the 59th street entrance to Central Park, posing for selfies with tourists in exchange for jumbo pretzel bits. When Time Out shared the story, reminding everyone that feeding raccoons is a terrible rabies-bating idea, they received numerous videos of people doing just that:

Damn, I love these furry faces. Too bad that they do pose a serious danger if you don’t like a bunch of needles in your stomach—in 2010 there was a rabies outbreak in Central Park amongst these heart-stealing bandits. As much as you want to, don’t feed the raccoons. They can dig for grubs, as will we, post-apocalypse anyway.

Raccoons aren’t the only curious creatures taking back the parks. Squirrels in Boston are reportedly chewing through wires around Boston Common, according to the AP, which put out the lights in their 47-foot Christmas tree. The contractor who is charged with maintaining the festive decorations says the squirrels love tasty copper. He’s taken to spraying the wires with an animal repellent made from hot peppers. That just adds spice to the rodent take over, my friend. Walk amongst us animals, and survey your new kingdom!

Contributing Writer, writing my first book for the Dial Press called The Lonely Hunter, follow me on Twitter @alutkin



Say what you will about the raccoons, I’ll take them over the B&T coyotes that ride Metro North.