Quit Trying to Make Quarantine Babies a Thing, Experts Say

Even if you do believe that everyone is having an incredibly sexy time quarantining (they’re not), don’t be fooled into thinking tons of people are planning on starting families out of boredom.

“Many people in childbearing ages were already worried about their futures, and now they may face unemployment as well,” Jennifer Johnson-Hanks, a sociology professor at the University of California, told the New York Times. “That kind of anxiety is not conducive to having a child.”

Unlike blizzards, blackouts, and other temporary hazards, it turns out a pandemic is somehow not conducive to baby making. (And for the record, there’s little evidence to suggest that those phenomena result in bunches of babies, either.) The original baby boom took place in an era of “postwar euphoria and financial stability.” What’s the exact opposite of that? This. Pair that with the (blessedly) wider availability of birth control, and experts agree that this period of isolation is not going to result in a sudden deluge of babies.

“People like this idea that people are stuck inside, they’re not going to have much to do,” said Alison Gemmill, a demographer at Johns Hopkins University. “But people will use methods to prevent pregnancy. People that do want kids, I think they’re going to postpone.”

Personally, the recent weeks inside have afflicted me with a sudden, inexplicable urge to have kids, though I think it’s more out of desire to have another human to entertain me in isolation. After all, it doesn’t count as a social distance fail if one literally comes out of you, right?