Quincy Jones Suggests Marlon Brando Fucked James Baldwin, the Mob Killed JFK, and The Beatles Sucked

Image via Getty.
Image via Getty.

In an interview with Vulture containing the kinds of compact twists and turns that made the Coney Island Cyclone a New York City landmark, one of music’s most influential figures (his name alone is a monolith of the industry), Quincy Jones, shares his thoughts on just about everything and everyone he’s encountered in his 85 jam-packed years on this planet.

He calls Michael Jackson a song thief. (“He was as Machiavellian as they come.”) He claims Cyndi Lauper nearly ruined “We Are the World” because of her dangly jewelry. (“...She was fucking up every take because her necklace or bracelet was rattling in the microphone.”) He takes a shit on The Beatles. (“...They were the worst musicians in the world.”) He takes an even bigger shit on U2:

Illustration for article titled Quincy Jones Suggests Marlon Brando Fucked James Baldwin, the Mob Killed JFK, and The Beatles Sucked

But Jones has far mar to discuss than just the music industry. He gives his thoughts on what happens after death. (“Nothing.”) He calls out the Clintons for their relationship to “Big Pharma.” He claims John F. Kennedy was killed by a Chicago mobster named Sam Giancana before deciding to ask interviewer David Marchese where he’s from. (Toronto.) He blames “Trump and uneducated rednecks” for empowering our nation’s racists immediately before bragging about dating Ivanka, “a fine motherfucker,” 12 years ago. (“She had the most beautiful legs I ever saw in my life.”)

And then, oh my god, this!

JONES: [Marlon Brando] used to go cha-cha dancing with us. He could dance his ass off. He was the most charming motherfucker you ever met. He’d fuck anything. Anything! He’d fuck a mailbox. James Baldwin. Richard Pryor. Marvin Gaye.

VULTURE: He slept with them? How do you know that?

JONES: [Frowns.] Come on, man. He did not give a fuck! You like Brazilian music?

Yes. After revealing the alleged sexual escapades of some of the most famous and influential men of the mid-twentieth century, Jones segued into another topic by saying, “You like Brazilian music?” (I’m going to steal that move, I think.) But it’s just one of the countless abrupt turns this interview takes. (The one turn it doesn’t take is toward Bill Cosby.)

Hop on board, and please keep your hands inside the car at all times.

Staff Writer, Jezebel | Man

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I’m coming away from this article wishing I had been around to get fucked by hot Marlon Brando too.