Hello and happy Thursday. Today, our brave colleagues over at Page Six photoshopped Pete Davidson’s tattoos off of his body for some reason I can’t quite comprehend, leaving the mildly attractive dirtbag to resemble nothing so much as a pasty soon-to-be-sunburnt lake guy. But it begged the question: Where would be a better place for Pete Davidson’s tattoos to go if they were removed from his corporeal being?
The answer, my god, obviously, was Channing Tatum. A Dionysian figure who, if anything, is a bit too hairless and squeaky looking—but a physically perfect specimen who if gifted the correct arrangement of body art could transform into the idealized scumbag of my dreams. He’ll build you a table, do a cute little dance, and fuck you on it. Please enjoy!