Queen of England: 'Sorry Fur, You're Canceled!'

At some moment, in the time since humans first crawled from out of the primordial slime and started bickering on the internet, fur wasn’t a rich person’s commodity. But both corporate greed and a looming global extinction event have complicated the issue, and these days, the only people brave enough to strut around clothed in dead animals are Vogue editors and imperialists—like the Queen of England. It seems the reigning monarch of that little isle across the Atlantic really, really, really loves mink. Too bad she won’t be buying it anymore!

Entertainment Tonight reports that the Queen will not be purchasing any more fur for her already vast closet of fox fur coats, mink shawls, rabbit hide mitts, and whatever other forest creatures the British royals spend their leisure time hunting. This does not mean, however, that she will throw away her pre-existing fur items. The animals are already dead, the logic goes. Why sully their small lives anymore by incinerating their remains, or tossing it in the dumpster. (Or, heavens forbid, selling them and giving whatever profit is incurred back to British taxpayers.)

In response to the announcement, director of the Humane Society International/UK, Claire Bass, told the outlet: “We are thrilled Her Majesty has officially gone fur-free.” In honor of all those animals that won’t be killed to fashion the queen a fancy hat; let’s take a moment to remember those that did, in fact, get killed to make a fancy hat.