Today is a magical day—the day that Oprah Winfrey releases her list of her Favorite Things, a magnificent compendium of items that you frequently cannot afford but very much enjoy perusing.
This year, her selection includes holiday pajamas for the whole family by Burt’s Bees Baby, TOCCA hand creams,Sorel boots, a “stretch snuggle lounger” dress, and novelty bird houses. Also, as USA Today points out, gratitude. Specifically, a $45 glass “gratitude jar.”
In honor of this annual seasonal milestone, we went looking for items that typify the Jezebel Lifestyle. We dug through the office cabinet where we keep our stash of candy, searching for items that typify life at this blog. An incredible assortment of stuff has washed up on these shelves over the years, from discarded snacks to unwanted promotional items to no-longer-necessities to things we just plain forgot we’d brought into the office. We have dubbed it the “trash cab.”
Please enjoy Jezebel’s Acceptable Things!
Food!
We love our snack foods here at Jezebel, but sometimes our busy blogging schedule prohibits leaving the office and walking somewhere with fresh snacks. Luckily, someone has always abandoned something inside the trash cab, such as a half-empty bag of Sriracha sunflower kernels from God knows how many years ago, microwave popcorn, or gift bucket of nuts from Nuts.com. Wash it all down with what, sadly, is not canned Perrier but rather Lime edition Red Bull—sugar free! (Not refrigerated.)
Apparel!
If there’s one thing we could use these days, it’s a little chill. What says chill like a remarkably soft freebie shirt apparently from Reggae Fest, branded “Bahama Breeze Island Grill,” which arrived in a promotional bucket from Red Stripe that is itself encased in an enormous beer koozie? Pair it with one of these hot-pink rubber bracelets (origin: unknown) and carry all your loot around in this tote bag from a Gerber event. Just throw out the baby food that’s in there currently.
Literature!
Who doesn’t love to see some Cats on the Job? You’ll laugh, you’ll cry, perhaps you’ll even come away feeling inspired to be on your own job. After all, if a cat can realize his dream to become a ship’s captain, why can’t you? For the film buffs in the house, some “For Your Consideration” scripts from last year’s award season contenders.
Wellness!
Our dedication to wellness is, well, well-known—at Jezebel we care deeply about the health and state of your body, your mind, your spirt, and your yoni. That’s why we have pregnancy tests, vibrators, tampons, condoms, and fashion overnight maxi pads on hand for every possible situation a vagina could encounter! Do you have your period? Do you need to have an orgasm? Would you like to have safe sex? Do you think you’re pregnant? It’s fine! You’re covered! We’re! Here! For! You!!
Beauty!
Every woman is naturally beautiful and needs no additional adornment, but we recognize the inherent POWER (get it you EMPOWERED kween, u!) in beauty products and lipstick and things of that nature! Here are some 100 percent human hair eyebrows, complete with spirit gum, should you despise your own so much that you need to ENHANCE what’s there. Also, a lovely Sephora-branded makeup bag, for spare brow storage, etc.
Trash!
Amongst the treats and treasures we love to engage with on a daily basis is literal trash. A teal box that used to hold Casamigos-branded gummies; an assortment of koalas meant to attach to a waiting finger or pencil. A pile of empty candy bags. A stack of Gawker cocktail napkins from when we still knew her. A bar of soap—all vestiges of Jezebel’s past, reminders of our current selves, and a useful prognostication of our future. Happy holidays.