Professional Kardashian Best Friend/Dash Doll Malika Haqq Arrested For DUI

Illustration for article titled Professional Kardashian Best Friend/Dash Doll Malika Haqq Arrested For DUI

The first thing I thought when I saw this news was, “MALIKA NO!!!” Because in my mind—the place where I store lengthy, imagined narratives about celebrities that I like to believe are entirely accurate—the Haqq sisters are Khloé’s last remaining connection to the normal world. They’re not around to make headlines, they’re there to be good, normal people who happen to be Khloé’s best friends.


But, as it so often is, my private fanfiction was proven wrong, because Malika Haqq has just made headlines for all the wrong reasons. TMZ reports Haqq was “arrested for DUI after crashing her car on an L.A. freeway.” She was apparently coming home from a birthday party.

Law enforcement sources tell us, Malika crashed on the 101 at around 3 AM. According to the CHP report, Malika showed “objective symptoms of intoxication.”

We’re told deputies gave her a field sobriety test and she failed.

Next time you need to drive home while less than sober, give Khloé a call. Or Kylie! She has like 100 cars at this point and isn’t legally allowed to drink, so—wait, actually just call an Uber.



Here’s some bonkers Sister Wives news for your Thursday evening: the daughter of a sister wife from Sister Wives is now engaged to her aunt’s brother because, I mean, why the hell not? She’s attracted to men. And he’s a man who’s around, so, sure! Ahhh, l’amour.

Reports Radar Online (I’ll never not laugh when writing that):

Polygamous patriarch Kody gave his approval to Wyoming-based mine equipment repairman Caleb Brush, 28, the brother of Kody’s sister-in-law, Erica Brush Brown.


Look at all those words!

[Radar Online]

I didn’t know the old side of Nina Dobrev, to be honest.


  • Jack Black revealed that his older brother died of AIDS in 1989 [People]
  • The “SHE’S FINALLY 18!!!” post is one of the worst kinds of posts. [Page Six / TMZ]
  • Lance Bass added a few more details to his sexual harassment allegations from earlier this week. [Page Six]
  • Jim Carrey will be in Ireland Saturday for Cathriona White’s funeral. [TMZ]
  • Justin Bieber has a lot of female friends. [THL]
  • I believe this is the first time anyone has said “GET READY TO LAUGH” when talking about Brad Paisley and Carrie Underwood. [People]

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Dr. Mabuse

Yeah, I remember when the Olsen twins, who are the same age as me, turned 18. All kinds of skeeziness was being posted on the interwebs, salivating about how they’re finally legal. Because yes, those seemingly nice young women would really want to get it on with you in your dank basement on your futon.