Princess Betrothed as Royal Family Flees

Illustration for article titled Princess Betrothed as Royal Family Flees
Screenshot: Instagram

In the hollowed-out ruins of the White House, a boy stands in front of a girl, asking her to love him. Daddy’s empire is smoldering all around them with a warm amber glow, and then she says “yes.”


Tiffany Trump announced Monday that she is getting hitched to her boyfriend, Michael Boulos. In her caption, she wrote: “It has been an honor to celebrate many milestones, historic occasions and create memories with my family here at the White House, none more special than my engagement to my amazing fiancé Michael! Feeling blessed and excited for the next chapter! ❤️”

Despite their happy engagement—their words, not mine—it’s a wee bit hard to ignore the barbed wire fencing and hordes of military personal that stand just outside of frame, weeks after an angry mob incited by her father descended on Washington D.C. More noteworthy, even, is that her announcement comes just one single day before Trump leaves office. The timing couldn’t be more perfect!

In the early days of his first campaign and eventual presidency, in what historians now call The Before Times, Tiffany was painted by many as a rogue outlaw in the Trump Dynasty. She partied in New York and at college more often than she appeared on the campaign trail, a decision that left many to wonder just what her relationship with daddy really was. As his presidency then illustrated, she and her father are just fine, and her convenient absence at those political hate rallies was merely an attempt to glean just a few more fashion week invites from her rich and fabulous friends.

Her engagement announcement, on the heels of an impeachment and attempted white supremacist uprising in the Capitol, is perhaps a ticked for Tiff and this Boulos character to snag a few more R.S.V.P.s out of people. It’s a political maneuver on Tiffany’s part, but also just patently hilarious. This family will, decades on, never cease to amaze me with the depths of their incompetence.

Enjoy that Mar-a-Lago wedding, Tiffany! I’m sure it won’t be the last.



She’s standing like she has to pee really bad. She also looks like she’s about to step out of her right shoe. (I’m guessing this is a clumsy attempt to look taller.)

I guess this beats that Thanksgiving event where she didn’t wear any bottoms.

And I’ve got $50 that says Daddy is a no show at the wedding.