Prince Harry's Maybe-Future-Fiancée Is Made Of Mystery and Scrunchies

Cressida Bonas is dating Prince Harry. This ostensibly makes her interesting, or, at least, more interesting than a Normal like you or I, and ostensibly means that now, in anticipation of her possibly marrying Prince Harry at some indeterminate point in the future, there are Facts about her that we must know. Unfortunately, there don’t seem to be many Facts there.

In a peculiarly long piece about Harry’s main lady that manages to communicate very little information, we learn the following:

• Cressida Bonas is 24
• Her last name sounds kinda like “Boners” as pronounced by a British accent, and that’s funny/unfortunate (it’s funny).
• Cressida Bonas might be going hunting with Prince Harry, but maybe not.
• Cressida Bonas has some friends who got engaged recently.
• Cressida Bonas and Prince Harry did not meet on JDate.
• Cressida Bonas wants to be an actress, not the living British equivalent of an American Girl doll like Princess Kate (who we are over).
• Cressida Bonas dresses real cool:

In the summer, Ms. Bonas was photographed at the Glastonbury music festival wearing blue denim overalls and a hair scrunchie, previously the most benighted of fashion items. “Suddenly the scrunchie was cool again,” Ms. Money-Coutts said.

• Suddenly, the scrunchie was cool again.
• Cressida Bonas has a mom who was maybe a little s-l-u-t-t-y back in the day (5 children by 3 men *faints onto fancy fainting couch*) aka a mom who sounds pretty awesome.
• Cressida Bonas drinks just plain rum (lunatic behavior) and hollers “CRINGE DE LA CRINGE” when she’s embarrassed by something (minor Harry Potter character behavior).
• She maybe doesn’t like all the press attention. But maybe she does.

Here’s what we don’t learn from the Cressida Bonas piece:

• Anything directly from Cressida Bonas herself.
• Whether Cressida Bonas is getting married to Prince Harry.
• Whether Cressida Bonas is going hunting with Prince Harry
• Whether Cressida Bonas is.

Anyway. Slow news day, folks. Memorize this pretty British chick, because if she plays her cards right, someday soon she’ll be commemorated on plates and in super creepy Kate/Cressida royal slashfic.