Post Malone Is Gnarlier Than Justin Bieber Cuz He Got the Tats to Prove It

By Whitney Kimball  |  October 3, 2018 | 12:27am
CelebritiesDirt Bag

Man-shaped trunk of beef jerky Post Malone talked to cool dad Jimmy Fallon and reckons he’s tougher than Justin Bieber and your mom COMBINED because he got tattoos. He says so himself [scroll to 5:17]:

We [Justin Bieber and Post Malone] were working on ‘Stoney’, and we had a tattoo artist come through, and I thought ‘you know what? Justin Bieber’s got some tats, and I love you, but I know I’m way tougher than you.’

So he got a tat.

And then another one.

And another one.

And his mom is totally pissed.

Jimmy Fallon is positively swooning.

Cool story.

Deeper, much deeper, down into seriously dark masculine terrain, GQ challenges Rolling Stone to a duel over the relatively recent sad Johnny Depp portrait which highlighted his financial woes and Amber Heard’s allegations of domestic violence.

But first, Depp talks putting your balls over your dick.

“Well, a Texas Belt Buckle is where you have to pull your scrotum up over the top of your jeans without undoing them. All the way up and over. Oh, the horror of it all… You have to bring your cock back around and stick it through… Your cock has to go around the bend in a sort of semi fruit basket and then, well, then you’re fucked. You pull your testicles out over the top and leave them just resting there. That’s a Texas Belt Buckle.”

I struggle to visualize the end result of twisting one’s balls and scrotum into a jumble, but there ya go.

Anyway, as for the Heard allegations, Depp explains that the viral 2016 TMZ video in which he’s shown yelling, slamming cabinets, pouring a large glass of wine and throwing the camera was him reacting to news that he’d lost millions of dollars–adding that all of the sad depictions of him as an abuser with serious financial woes have turned him, in Hollywood, from a “Cinderella into a Quasimodo.”

[GQ]

Cardi B’s sworn enemies, the sisters Baddie Gi and Jade, claim that they were fired from their bartending jobs at Angels Strip Club in Queens for filing a police report alleging that Cardi B threw a hookah and glasses at them. Cardi B believes that Jade slept with Offset, a charge Jade denies. Cardi B has been reportedly charged with two counts of reckless endangerment and one count of third-degree assault and has turned herself into the police.

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And then Cardi B went to Barney’s in a bathrobe and $1090 mink fur Louis Vuitton slippers.

As she does.

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