Police Release Rape-Themed Version of 'The Night Before Christmas'

Police in Nottinghamshire, England have managed to offend both the rape-averse and Disneyphiles with their new Christmas anti-rape PSA which they’ve called “The Nightmare Before Christmas.” It’s like “The Night Before Christmas,” but with rape.

It should shock no one that the rapey Weird Al Yankovic-ing of a beloved Christmas poem didn’t go over well. And is it any wonder? I mean read the thing.

“Her attacker was nestled all snug in his bed
While visions of the rape he committed danced through his head.”

Oy.

In response to outcry, the Nottinghamshire police fauxpologized, saying they didn’t mean to offend anyone but they were sorry about all the hurt feelings. From the BBC,

Helen Chamberlain, from Nottinghamshire Police, said she did not believe the poem was misguided at all.

“We have been heavily criticised in the past for focusing on victims and giving out persistent warnings to victims about keeping safe.

“This year we decided to try a different tactic and target the perpetrator.

“I accept it has caused a stir and caused people to talk and that’s what it was meant to do,” she said.

The poem remains on the police force’s website. So when I say they “apologized,” they actually may as well have pointed at complainants and said, “Hey, I’m noticing you’re mad. How about I change nothing about what made you angry and then you just… stop being angry? Eh? Eh?”

There are literally dozens of examples of constructive approaches to anti-sex assault PSA’s that the Nottinghamshire Police could have emulated. It’s a shame they insisted on sticking to a shitty one.