What is the worst part of this routine? Is it when Max/Homer sucks on Dianne/Marge’s toes, or when they fling each other around? Maybe it’s when they play bumper cars with those donut pool floaties. Or, if I’m being really honest, it’s the single pubic hair protruding from Max-Homer’s bald cap. I don’t like it! I don’t like it. I don’t like it I don’t like it I don’t like it.


Now, in an effort to be fair, Strictly does not present itself as serious television. Celebrities fully understand what they sign up for when they accept the invitation, and dancers expect to be dressed in the worst possible costumes one can imagine. Just last year, Will and Janette were asked to dance the paso doble to the Pokemon theme song for movie week... another moment in Strictly history that will haunt me for a lifetime.

What the fuck is going on with British television? The answer, I think, is this: literally nothing. The mania pictured above is just what they like to watch over there. After all, this show has been on the air for over 15 years, spawning countless spin-offs across the planet. Whatever it is that Strictly is selling, people are buying. Including me, in all my abject horror and loathing.

Still, why did he have to suck on her toes like that?

Image for article titled Please Watch the Most Horrifying Thing I Have Ever Seen on Television
Screenshot: The Simpsons, Graphic: Jezebel, Screenshot: Strictly Come Dancing