There can only be so many Billie Eilishes in the world, per some arcane standard imposed upon us by a cruel, yet careful, universe. More than one and the very fabric of our existence is threatened, pulled apart by the competing forces of garish Gucci prints and neon green, a color so abstract and unimaginable it is said that one could walk into heaven itself and outshine god in it, if either of those two things existed. And even Billie Eilish herself, the original Billie Eilish, can’t stop warning people about the danger in playing with forces beyond mere human comprehension!
In an Instagram story Thursday night, Eilish unleashed her justice on the various people who’ve dressed up like her on YouTube as a prank. She wrote: “Please stop doing this shit. It is not safe for you and it is mean to the people who don’t know any better. You make me look bad. Also, sooo disrespectful you’d go out pretending to be me wearing THIS.”
After she mocked the choice of socks on said outfit—among other things—Eilish then screencapped a series of YouTube videos, which included variations on this prank, with titles like “INSANE BILLIE EILISH TRANSFORMATION *SHUT DOWN MALL*” or “TURNED MY GIRL INTO BILLIE EILISH - GOT MOBBED.”
Her main issue was that people were literally putting themselves at the mercy of her fans and into the clutches of danger. She was also worried about the structure of the physical universe imploding should too many impersonators gather in one place and rend it asunder. This would, presumably, make Billie Eilish very sad!
People reports that Jordan Matter, one of the imposters who made it into Eilish’s Instagram stories, responded to her with his own Instagram post:
I had absolutely no intention of disrespecting Billie. I’m a big fan, like everyone else. I’ve never done a celebrity impersonation video before, but they’re pretty common so I thought it would be fun to add my own acrobatic twist. I felt it was completely harmless since at no time in the video are we pretending that she is actually Billie. I have reached out directly to Billie and Maggie and apologized, and I will not post the video without their permission.
For now, it seems like the safety of our particular plane of existence is safe—no thanks to Eilish’s hard work as a defender of the universe. (From herself, but what does that really matter!) [People]
Page Six reports that, according to multiple music insiders, Taylor Swift skipped the Grammys because they “wouldn’t guarantee she’d win Song of the Year.” According to one insider:
“[Her team] called and wanted to be assured that she would win the Grammy. And while it wasn’t an explicit demand, they certainly were fishing to find out if Taylor was a winner. It was understood in the conversation that if she’s not winning, she’s not coming to the Grammys,”
Twist! Another source claims that everyone in the industry is aware of the reasons why Taylor skipped on the ceremony, and that this is also standard operating procedure for her. A spokesperson for Swift, however, had a different story to tell: “I am on the record: These statements by anonymous, unidentified ‘sources’ are absolutely 100 percent false and laughable. She just didn’t go to the Grammys. You guys need to calm down.”
It’s hard to overlook that Swift’s absence at the Grammys came amidst a year of turmoil and strife for her, in which she publicly battled with Scooter Braun and his cohort over (what she claimed was) the rights to her music. There’s also the complaint filed by Deborah Dugan, the abruptly fired Recording Academy CEO who’s alleged voting fraud, gross conflict of interests, and sexual harassment. And then, of course, there’s the colossal flop that was Cats and the press campaign around it, which Taylor Swift was very much a fixture in. If I was her, I wouldn’t want to hang out or party either. She must be exhausted! [Page Six]
And here’s what Britney Spears is up to:
- Kim Kardashian is “very honest” with her kids about prison reform, which is probably a good thing. [Us Weekly]
- Ewan McGregor got all dressed up to go on a plane. [Just Jared]
- Tommie Lee would like to roast Wendy Williams. [Hollywood Life]
- Katie Holmes wore something. [Hollywood Life]
- Kristin Bell and Dax Shepard shared their tips for talking to your kids about death. [ET]
- Kaia Gerber posted a parenting book on Instagram. What could it mean? [People]
- Meghan Markle loves her mom. [Us Weekly]