Please Insert These Hot Cocoa-Flavored M&Ms Directly Into My Mouth

Illustration for article titled Please Insert These Hot Cocoa-Flavored MMs Directly Into My Mouth
Image: via Target

Just in time for me to have eaten all the leftover Halloween candy in New York City, comes an announcement from the M&M Bureau of Sugar Dreams: there now exists a new hot cocoa-flavored M&M, complete with marshmallow-flavored insides. What do these taste like? I do not know, but I must.

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According to Good Housekeeping, the new M&Ms—hocked by the ever-disturbingly sexy green lady M&M—have a hot cocoa-flavored milk chocolate shell, but inside there’s white chocolate that’s supposed to taste like marshmallow. M&Ms have burned me before (#neverforget CARROT CAKE M&Ms, those sick bastards), but at least marshmallow has a place in the candy canon, so I will wait to pass judgment until after I murder one of these button-shaped creatures with my cavity-ridden teeth. I eat a lot of candy, I have no dental insurance, date me!

Apparently, these M&Ms are exclusively available at Target, which is good news if you happen to need to purchase literally anything else on Planet Earth, alongside a pack of probably disgusting but well-meaning chocolate. Go to Target, ride the escalator, ponder the green M&M’s extraterrestrial ability to have her eyebrows imprint on her winter hat, buy five packs, go home, build a fire, and let the good times roll. Or, you can just buy marshmallows and make regular hot cocoa, which will probably taste better anyway.

Night blogger, author of GOOD THINGS HAPPEN TO PEOPLE YOU HATE.

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DISCUSSION

wearebarnacles
wearebarnacles

This is just a gimmicky way to use an even smaller percentage of real chocolate in M&Ms, as well as explain away their characteristically chalky texture. Cute marketing has convinced Americans that Hershey products are good. They are not.