Please Insert These Hot Cocoa-Flavored M&Ms Directly Into My Mouth

Illustration for article titled Please Insert These Hot Cocoa-Flavored MMs Directly Into My Mouth
Image: via Target

Just in time for me to have eaten all the leftover Halloween candy in New York City, comes an announcement from the M&M Bureau of Sugar Dreams: there now exists a new hot cocoa-flavored M&M, complete with marshmallow-flavored insides. What do these taste like? I do not know, but I must.


According to Good Housekeeping, the new M&Ms—hocked by the ever-disturbingly sexy green lady M&M—have a hot cocoa-flavored milk chocolate shell, but inside there’s white chocolate that’s supposed to taste like marshmallow. M&Ms have burned me before (#neverforget CARROT CAKE M&Ms, those sick bastards), but at least marshmallow has a place in the candy canon, so I will wait to pass judgment until after I murder one of these button-shaped creatures with my cavity-ridden teeth. I eat a lot of candy, I have no dental insurance, date me!

Apparently, these M&Ms are exclusively available at Target, which is good news if you happen to need to purchase literally anything else on Planet Earth, alongside a pack of probably disgusting but well-meaning chocolate. Go to Target, ride the escalator, ponder the green M&M’s extraterrestrial ability to have her eyebrows imprint on her winter hat, buy five packs, go home, build a fire, and let the good times roll. Or, you can just buy marshmallows and make regular hot cocoa, which will probably taste better anyway.


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This is just a gimmicky way to use an even smaller percentage of real chocolate in M&Ms, as well as explain away their characteristically chalky texture. Cute marketing has convinced Americans that Hershey products are good. They are not.