Please Help Katy Perry and Orlando Bloom Find Their Dog

Illustration for article titled Please Help Katy Perry and Orlando Bloom Find Their Dog
Image: BACKGRID

Urgent: Katy Perry and Orlando Bloom’s dog Mighty is missing! On Instagram late last night, the former actor and current house husband shared a dire message that their beloved pup has disappeared in Montecito, California. He’s urging anyone with information on the dog’s disappearance to please contact a vet, shelter, or the police, for what appears to be a cash reward. “Only send REAL INFO,” he wrote. “My heart is already broken so please don’t add insult to injury.”

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Bloom’s note on Instagram explains that Mighty is chipped, and has a collar with a number to call should you happen across this adventurous pooch while strolling around Montecito. Unfortunately, Montecito’s comprised of a bunch of celebrities who are richer than God, like Ellen and Oprah, so this will probably end with like, Rob Lowe heroically saving Mighty’s life. But until he does, get in on the action!

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Just look at lil’ Mighty! Don’t you want to help save his life? You’d be really doing Mr. Orlando Bloom a favor, considering he only has 4 million followers on Instagram, a number which pales in comparison with his soon-to-be wife’s 100 million. Perry, for her part, hasn’t yet posted about Mighty. But she’s also promoting a single right now, and her Instagram has a particularly niche aesthetic going on, so that makes sense.

My hope is that by nightfall, a sea of Katy Cats are on the local news, trawling the beaches and hillsides of Montecito while tweeting “STREAM #SMILE!” This dog must be found! And the last few months have already shown what the power of a stan army can accomplish.


I would personally be thrilled if Britney Spears spent the rest of her life dancing and doing whatever she truly wanted. Free of influence, free of the power-hungry machinations of an industry that has preyed on her since childhood. Look how happy it makes her, to spin and twist to Rihanna! I want this for her all the time. She deserves it.

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This is the only TikTok content I care about. You can find part 2 here!

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Aisha Dee wants better for The Bold Type, and herself.

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Porsha speaks!

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Literally same, Brandi.

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DISCUSSION

barefootcontessa
BarefootCuntessa

Who shits all over someone when they’ve just lost their dog?? What the fuck, Joan?