Award shows present the average Joe/Jane Twitter with the opportunity, from the comfort of their own midpriced sweatpants, to talk shit about celebrities who make commercially successful art-products that are not to the tastes of said Joe/Jane Twitter, and last night's Grammy awards telecast was no exception. But while finding the Grammys "disgusting" is apparently the one thing that unites this divided world in 2014, the reasons people gave for reaching their varied conclusions were as multicolored as the rainbow flag Mackle co-0pted to bolster his soft-rap career. Here are but a few of them.
The most predictable of the disgusted reactions to the Grammys involved homophobes embarrassing themselves by reacting negatively to the mass wedding officiated by Queen Latifah on 34 couples (some of whom were g-g-g-g-gay!) while Macklemore performed his famous Mackling anthem "Same Love" — something I thought was probably an excellent piece of obvious trolling that a truly principled bigot would have been able to ignore.
But because progressive righteousness makes excellent clickbait, aggregators hoping to capitalize on it were quick to post damning roundups of dumb teens who haven't learned better, or dumb old people who won't be alive to vote in an election cycle or two. Here Are 27 People Who Still Think Gays Are Icky — that kind of thing. The 2014 Internet has the calling out homophobes game on lock.
Some of last night's disgust was focused on those who expressed disgust over same sex relationships. Finding other people disgusting is, quite frankly, disgusting. And many were disgusted.
Those who watched the Grammys know that the show opened with a hot-ass performance of Drunk In Love by King Bey, but not everyone was a fan.
The Daily Mail's Concerned Moms With Questionable Levels Of Literacy desk was busy writing up a description of the dance, which involved a human butt moving in many sex ways.
From start to end, the mother-of-one's routine could only be described as both seductive and risqué.
She opened the show straddling a chair then proceeded to writhe around on it before twerking her way up to a standing position.
Belting out the lyrics to the explicit song, many of which had been bleeped out, it wasn't too long before she was joined onstage by husband Jay Z, who looked dapper in a black spotted tuxedo.
Curiously, similar levels out outrage were not expressed over P!nk's (also super cool, scantily clad, and athletic) performance. America has a complicated relationship with its own boner.
Everything except Beyoncé
In diametric opposition to Team Beyoncé Was Disgusting was Team Everything Except Beyoncé Was Disgusting.
Imagine if someone from Team Beyonce Was Disgusting fell in love with someone from Team Everything Except Beyonce Was Disgusting. What a modern day Romeo & Juliet that would be.
Macklemore winning anything for his raps
Some people very much enjoy Macklemore, a DEFINITELY 100% FOR SURE straight white guy named Ben Haggerty who has made a whole lot of money performing raps about how it's fine to be gay EVEN THOUGH HE IS DEFINITELY 100% FOR SURE straight. Other people very much do not enjoy Macklemore, or at least don't think he deserves to win an award over certain other (much, much better) hip hop artists. Many are disgusted.
She's 17, massively successful, pretty in an Asos model kind of way, and a self-proclaimed feminist who doesn't wave her bosoms around in a way that makes grandmas mad, which, as noted above, people find Disgusting. But if you thought a complete departure from the sex kitten pop star image would serve Lorde well, you're wrong. People find Lorde's whole thing disgusting, simply disgusting.
Robin Thicke again presented his counterargument to President Barack Obama's weekly address, which this Saturday addressed the epidemic of campus sexual assault in his performance of "Blurred Lines." Which many found disgusting.
Pharrell's hat and gum
Pharrell dressed like the Man In The Yellow Hat from Curious George last night, which was disgusting.
He also chewed gum, a disgusting habit.
Note: many other stars chewed gum, which caused some on the internet to feel disgust.
Lack of adequate attention to Kriss Kross and George Jones
Total fucking hipster reasons
Ugh commercial radio Pitchfork creativity freedom BORING SHEEPLE record labels BAD MUSIC. Disgusting.
I liked the Grammys better when they were on vinyl.