People Are Racing to Provide O.J. Simpson With Nicole Brown Sex

Image via the AP.
Image via the AP.

O.J. Simpson, back to haunt the free world, has allegedly requested a Nicole Brown look-a-like at the Bunny Ranch, according to Page Six. Terrifying, though the request has reportedly been made with a certain formality: “He sent word … to the Bunny Ranch,” by messenger, according to an insider.

O.J. shall be received, says the Bunny Ranch.

“The Bunny Ranch and the Bunny Ranch girls are anxious for O.J.’s visit,” says ranch owner Dennis Hof.


The idea is “hurriedly being put into action” as O.J.’s friend Tom Scotta “scope[s] out the establishment to ensure it’s Juice-worthy,” says Radar Online.

Yes: somebody has been hired to see that a brothel is worthy of O.J. Simpson.

Enjoy this photo of Lisa Bloom contemplating one to four years of sitting breathing distance next to Harvey Weinstein, about 24 hours before announcing that she would be resigning as his council. Comeuppance is sweet.


Yessss more royal protocol, feed me.

In addition to bans on shellfish, Monopoly, being touched, and descending stairs like a god damn barbarian, we now know that the royals are highly discouraged from hand-holding, according to The Inquisitr.


  • MSNBC’s Mika Brzezinski calls for a Hollywood boycott on the Weinstein Company until accused sexual harasser resigns from the company. She, for one, will forgo her book deal with Weinstein Books. [The Hill]
  • Madonna’s ex-friend Darlene Lutz has been trying to auction off Madonna’s stuff, like a break-up letter from Tupac, claiming that she has the rights to items like Madonna’s mail because she didn’t care about it. Keep all your famous friends’ stuff so you can cash in later, very nice. This is from Madonna’s lawsuit, which there is no way she is not going to win. [Page Six]
  • Preferred not to imagine this. A sex worker alleges that the Vegas shooter enjoyed rape fantasies, “aggressive and violent sex.” [Daily Mail]
  • Nelly claims innocence in rape allegations. [The Inquisitr]

Staff reporter, Gizmodo. wkimball @ gizmodo

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Muqaddimah (call me Muck)

Yes: somebody has been hired to make sure a brothel is worthy of O.J. Simpson.

Darlene Lutz has been trying to auction off Madonna’s stuff...


Can someone assure me that there are still people in the world who get up in the morning and enjoy being with their families, who they actually like being with most of the time, and that they try to be as good to them as they can be (i.e. don’t look for ways to abuse them emotionally, pysically, or financially)? Can anyone tell me that there are people who go to work and don’t harrass/rape/murder anyone in the course of their day? People who go out for dinner or drinks or a movie with friends in the evening, or maybe volunteer at their local community centre or school, and don’t steal anything or exploit the situation for personal gain?

It’s OK, I don’t need anyone to actually do that. I know that people like that exist; in fact, I know that most people are like that. But some days it just doesn’t feel like it. I need to go for a walk in the park, crunch through some fallen leaves, and smile at people - virtually all of whom will smile back, and most of whom will have absolutely no interest in finding a way to be horrible to me or anyone else.