Pentagon Official Abuses Power in Pursuit of Cat Care

Illustration for article titled Pentagon Official Abuses Power in Pursuit of Cat Care

If you thought the NSA scandal was a disturbing reminder of the reality that we live in a world where fallible humans have access to virtually limitless power, wait until you hear about the latest military scandal. Turns out, under our very noses, a top official at West Point has been using his position to obtain all sorts of of perks including — ready for this? — cat care for his friends. It's like Watergate and the Teapot Dome Scandal had a fuckbaby.

The entire sordid affair is detailed in a hilariously-headlined piece on TPM ("Pentagon: Top West Point Official 'Misused His Position to Obtain Cat Care'" Yes yes yes yes yesyesyes DAY MADE this is better than the Yeezus leak). According to a Pentagon report, West Point superintendent Lt. General David Huntoon had his subordinates perform all sorts of tasks — driving lessons, charity dinner servitude, and other outside-of-the-line-of-duty work — for pay well below market labor rates. In addition, there's this troubling tidbit:

For example, the report says Huntoon misused his position to get cat-feeding help for a friend, but it was unclear who was feeding the cats and who the friend was.



We may, in fact, never know for sure to whom the cat belongs or whether the cat has a cool name like Meowskowitz or Cat-erine Hepburn or a stupid name like Mittens or Feline Groovy, because TPM reports that much of the report was redacted before it reached the media's greedy ink-stained paws. But what we do know is that Huntoon has served in the military for 40 years and was planning on retiring from West Point this summer, his career now indelibly stained with Fancy Feast juice.

But look on the bright side: top brass may be shamelessly extorting cat care from subordinates, but at least this story out of the military doesn't involve anyone getting raped. Can I get a high five!?


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Ok maybe this is an appropriate place to ask this question. My sister recently lamented that her dogs cost so much she should be able to write them off as dependents. We have dogs too and, yes they are pricey, but not as pricey as kids. I know they could be, but we opt not to pay for things like doggy day care and occasionally we put them in kennels. Kids on the other hand, we cannot leave alone at all much less for hours at a time so daycare it is! And kids just cost more in general, they bathe almost everyday, wear clothes, and I can't feed them a miracle pellet for $40/bag that will last a month. I know Soylent is an option now, but I'm not sure they would be down with that. But our kids are covered by our health insurance. The dogs are not and their vet bills add up fast. I'm not sure how cats compare, but I know at least 1 cat owner who loves and pampers her furry-children. I'm sure she would love to afford daily cat care so her sofa wouldn't have so many claw marks...

So what do you think Jezzies? Should there be a pet dependents exemption on our taxes? If so, you know you'd have to finally get that license.