LaGuardia Airport, a Satan-spawned hell swamp disguised as a major transportation hub for America’s largest city, appears to have a little springtime mosquito problem.
The New York Post investigated:
Skeeters have always been bad at La Guardia, but some believe that the airport’s massive, $4 billion reconstruction has led to an even bigger and more aggressive insect population this year.
“I never saw it like this before,” said a La Guardia security guard who declined to give his name. “It’s pretty gross. I swatted away 10 flies in just one hour. I think it’s all the construction.”
A baggage handler who’d already been bitten that day testified, “For my whole shift, I’m swatting them away.”
A spokesperson for the Health Department said the city as a whole has not been seeing more mosquitoes than usual, but any increase is likely due to the double whammy of LaGuardia’s waterfront location and construction: “It’s located right by the water, right by the bay, it’s getting warmer and it’s been raining and humid.”
Despite having had the misfortune of flying out of this misbegotten garbage heap two weekends in a row, I have not personally suffered any mosquito bites. However, I have seen a yellow plastic tarp with a hose in the middle that seemed to be collecting water leaking from the ceiling in a terrifying preview of our Mad Max future, as well as a line for taxis so long you’d think they were giving away free Supreme merchandise.
What a wonderful microcosm of America’s apparent inability to fix anything for its future generations!