Our Attorney General Says Marijuana Is 'Only Slightly Less Awful' Than Heroin

Image via AP Photo.
Image via AP Photo.

Personally, I am rooting for the humpback whales in their uprising against mankind.


Here’s all the shit we couldn’t cover today:

  • Attorney General Jeff Sessions, whose stances on essentially every issue are evil and preposterous, is attempting to declare a new evidence-free war on weed (read: minorities who smoke weed) that basically no one else is interested in. In remarks to law enforcement officers today, he said: “I am astonished to hear people suggest that we can solve our heroin crisis by legalizing marijuana — so people can trade one life-wrecking dependency for another that’s only slightly less awful.” [Washington Post]
  • House Intelligence Committee Chairman Devin Nunes (R-Calif.) said that he has no evidence that Trump was wiretapped during the campaign. Mama, quick, the smelling salts, for I have had myself a shock! “I don’t think there was an actual tap of Trump Tower.” [The Hill]
  • A bill is being considered in West Virginia that would completely gut miner safety protections. [The Atlantic]
  • Trump directed the EPA to discard fuel economy rules that were put in place to reduce emissions and fight climate change. Also, at a meeting today with Detroit auto executives, the president asked: “Are paints as good today as they used to be or not?” [Los Angeles Times]
  • Trump’s budget outline, to be revealed on Thursday, reportedly includes 31 percent cuts to the EPA and 28-30 percent cuts to the State Department, a plan that Sen. Lindsey Graham declared “dead on arrival.” It also includes cuts to public education, HUD, transportation programs, and community development programs that fund things like Meals on Wheels. [New York Times]
  • A U.N. agency published a report declaring Israel an “apartheid regime.” [Reuters]
  • Trump will meet with Chinese president Xi Jinping at Mar-a-Lago—which, just a reminder, is a private club where the wealthy pay to rub shoulders with the powerful and which Politico has declared “heaven for spies.” [New York Times]

Here are some tweets that the president was allowed to publish:


This has been barf bag.

Ellie is a freelance writer and former senior writer at Jezebel. She is pursuing a master's degree in science journalism at Columbia University in the fall.


A Classy Thomas Newman score

It is 2017, we must stop litigating marijuana. The rank hypocrisy of a culture in which we are inundated with positive and affirming messages about alcohol and demonize every thing else is pure folly. Don’t like gay marriage? Don’t marry someone of the same gender. Don’t like marijuana? Don’t consume it. Problem solved. We have so many issues in this country that need addressing and here we have a privileged geriatric puritan who wants everyone to be as miserable as he is. In other words, go fuck yourself reject Keebler elf.