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Though politicians have been labeling the anniversary “Orlando United Day” and calling it “A Day of Love and Kindness,” many survivors have told reporters that traveling to Pulse for events is difficult, if not impossible. ABC reports that early responder U.S. Army Sgt. Marie Cobbs was at Monday’s early morning ceremony, but unable to enter the club saying she was “too angry.”

“Like, how could this happen,” Cobbs continued. “This guy came to my home right here, and shot my brothers and sisters.”

Similarly, survivor Demetrice Naulings told the Guardian that he was planning to go to events, but seemed conflicted about what thoseevents might entail. Naulings escaped shortly after the shooting began, but lost his best friend.

“Seeing all of the other people from the club, I’m pretty sure the hugs will be teary. I’m not looking forward to that,” Naulings said. “I’m not looking for ‘I’m sorry.’ I feel like that doesn’t help me. I feel like that is pity and I don’t want pity.”

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Another survivor, Richard Negron, told the Associated Press, “There’s going to be so many things going on that I feel it will be overwhelming for those affected.”