On Saturdays We Wear Pink (To Promote Our Pop-Up Nightclubs)

Photo: Backgrid

Was there a time when celebrities weren’t incredibly boring to look at? I ask, mostly, because Lindsay Lohan was photographed in Hell’s Kitchen wearing a pastel pink sheath dress and matching pumps to promote her pop-up nightclub, Elevate, which is located somewhere in the abyss of the Playboy Club. The outfit was fine—it was fine!—even if her Chanel crossbody’s gold chain hideously clashed with her silver hoop earrings and chunky bangles. But mostly, her ensemble left me feeling incredibly empty. Nobody is fun anymore!

The outing marked Lohan’s return home after an embattled season of The Masked Singer: Australia, where she failed to recognize just about any Australian star featured. (Dannii Minogue, attempting levity, claimed “She’s generated enough column inches” to justify her presence.) As Page Six also notes, she’s fresh off a two recent breakups: An unnamed rich person and the crown prince of Saudi Arabia. That’s a gossip goldmine! Wear something major for when the paparazzi catches you out at the club, not a knock-off Chanel sheath and mismatched accessories! (I’d also like to point out the unblended extensions, which are also three shades too light.)

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Photo: Backgrid

Again, the outfit is mostly fine. But it shouldn’t have to be! Paparazzi shots have the unique ability to capture the essence of a celebrity better than profiles, or ditzy step-and-repeat interviews. Remember when Brad Pitt trudged along the beaches of Anguilla in a t-shirt that read “TRASH” and camo shorts amidst rumors that he’d left Jennifer Aniston? Incredible! And if we’re talking Chanel, I’m reminded of Naomi Campbell’s bouffant and Chanel two-piece during her testimony against Charles Taylor at the United Nations

While Lohan us indicative of Hollywood’s mass-migration from using the paparazzi to tell a story, the practice isn’t dead. Just look at the many crime hats of Lori Loughlin. They’re the perfect roadmap for charting her journey from the most powerful made-for-television movie actress on the planet to disgraced Bel-Air shut-in. More crime hats, less Instagram-boutique sheath dresses and clip-in extensions!

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