On Killing Grandmas

Illustration for article titled On Killing Grandmas
Illustration: Wellcome Collection

On Wednesday, Twitter-famous stay-at-home mom Bethany S. Mandel wrote that we could “call [her] a grandma killer,” but she would not be kept from museums, zoos, restaurants, or dentists simply because going to those places could be deadly.


In light of that permission, call her a grandma killer we did. Here is a list of headlines the Jezebel staff brainstormed in Slack, but did not use:

  • Self-Styled Grandma Killer Not That Great at Staying at Home After All
  • Will No One Think of the Dentists?
  • Grandmas? Not Under Local Woman’s Watch!
  • Of Course Your Grandma Got Killed by Someone Named “Bethany”
  • Meet the Woman Who Would Kill Your Grandma for a Trip to Applebees
  • What It Actually Means to Kill a Grandma
  • The Grandma Killer and Us
  • All Along, the Grandma Killer Was You
  • When Grandmas Are Killed
  • Who Is the Grandma Killer? Here’s Everything You Need to Know
  • What We Really Mean When We Say We Want to Kill Grandmas
  • What We Talk About When We Talk About Killing Grandmas
  • 10 Badass Ways to Kill a Grandma
  • The Staggering Disappointment of the Murderous Grandma
  • The Unbearable Anxiety of Killing a Grandma
  • All She Wanted a Trip to the Zoo. Even If It Meant Killing Grandmas.
  • In the Age of Coronavirus, Some Consider Killing Grandmas
  • Why Some Want to Kill Grandmas, and Others Don’t, Explained
  • What the Grandma Killer Says About Millennial Burnout
  • After Grandma Died, Some Experts Argue It Was Murder
  • Gender Parity in the Work of Killing Grandmas? Not So Fast, Say Some
  • Are We In the Golden Age of Grandma Killing?
  • Killing Grandmas Is Praxis
  • The Radical Gesture of Killing Grandmas
  • Grandma KILLER—Revealed!
  • This MOM Wants to Kill Your Grandma
  • The Gendered Anxiety of Killing Grandma
  • Here’s Why I Choose to Stay at Home AND Be a Grandma Killer
  • Killing My Grandma Triggered My Imposter Syndrome
  • I Killed My Grandma and I Won’t Apologize
  • Girl, Stop Apologizing for Killing Your Grandma
  • Sick SAHM Caught Chopping Down Grandma’s Coronavirus Cakes
  • The Emotional Labor of Killing Grandma
  • Ten Easy Ways to Kill Grandma At Home
  • Perhaps Grandma Always Deserved Death
  • This Was Always About Killing Grandmas
  • Why I Left New York: I Killed My Grandma
  • The Unbearable White Feminism of Killing Grandma
  • This One Trick (Killing Grandma) Will Make Your Man Go Nuts
  • All This Talk About Killing Grandmas, But What About Grandpas?
  • Killing Grandma But Not Grandpa Proves the Patriarchy Is Alive and Well in America


BenjaminSmuttins SAY RESIST.

So, just to be clear here, is she only okay with killing Grandmas? Because my State Rep was a young, healthy person in his 40's and died from COVID after catching it in the early days. And a five year old girl in our city died because her parents are both first responders, and just for an extra bit of awfulness, she was their only child. And countless other mothers, fathers, siblings and cousins have died in my city.

So, I would be curious to know where these selfish assholes draw the line. If her own kid dies, is that worth that superfun trip to the zoo? If her husband dies (assuming she is a straight, white woman because *of course she is*) for the trip to the dentist, is that a solid trade? If the dentist or the zoo ticket taker dies so she can see the giraffes or get her teeth polished? <Assuming the latter examples are fine because it wouldn’t impact her personal fun quota for that day.

What a fuuuuuuuuuuucking asshole.