​Old Fashioned, the Christian Alternative to Fifty Shades, Has a Trailer

When filmmaker Rik Swartwelder decided he was going to make a movie that would resurrect the idea of chivalry in love, he knew he had some tough competition—namely the adaptation to the fastest selling paperback book of all time, Fifty Shades of Grey. But Swartwelder is up for the challenge, comparing his film to the David to Fifty Shades' Goliath.

The trailer itself seems like a standard unlikely romance between an overly philosophical dude who much like a super exclusive nightclub doesn't let anyone in (Jesus is his bouncer) and a free spirited young woman who much like the girl in line who swears she's on the list and that her friend is "right there" just wants to be let in. But it's not the trailer that sells this story. It's the minute before the trailer in which the writer/director/star Rik Swartwelder quite literally sells you the story, via Film Drunk:

Clearly, we're picking a fight with Fifty Shades. We're not only picking a fight, we're picking a fight with the schoolground bully, likely to get our nose busted in two. … Love and romance are created by God and designed to lead to marriage and physical intimacy. … I find it impossible to not believe that, deep down, we don't want to celebrate something more than Fifty Shades."


It's obviously a comically ambitious plan to overtake Fifty Shades, especially when all of their marketing is essentially piggybacking off of the kinky romance book. But whatever floats people's boats come Valentine's Day! And hey, Old Fashioned and Fifty Shades do actually have one thing in common: a lack of Jamie Dornan's penis. So maybe they're not so different after all.

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Dances with Peeps

Oh, FFS, it a damned courtship film. That's exactly the same BS the Duggars and fundamentalist Christians are buying into. No kissing, often no physical contact at all (the Duggars allowed side hugs; a lot of these courtship believers don't even allow that), parents have the final decision, etc.

It's a warped belief system supposedly based on traditional marriage practices that didn't actually happen. They rewrite history, deliberately misinterpret the Bible, and wrap themselves in giant holier than cloaks.