Officials: If You See This Fish, Kill That Sum Bitch Dead As Hell

Image: AP

An invasive fish that can breathe air and therefore survive on land for SEVERAL DAYS and, if that’s not terrifying enough, is literally called a “snakehead,” has been spotted in Georgia, and authorities have a message: Kill that sucker. Immediately. Take off, nuke it from orbit, stick whatever’s left in the freezer and call the government.

You think they’re gonna have to tell the bass-fishing population of Georgia twice? Hell, no. This is about to unleash Kenny Powers-style chaos.

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CBS News reported on the bulletin from the Georgia Department of Natural Resources, which revealed that the snakehead had been confirmed in Georgia for the first time—in a pond in Gwinnett County—and provided guidance in no uncertain terms: KILL IT.

Image: Georgia DNR

The fish used to be popular for aquariums, and it’s possible that the snakehead got a foothold in non-native waters because of people dumping them out when they didn’t want them anymore. (You wouldn’t believe the shit people will just dump out in the woods.) The New York Times reported on the consequences, which are fairly dire for bass and other species:

When it is dumped in freshwater bodies, as in Georgia, it ripples through the food chain.

“If you take all the bass out, whatever they are eating is going to be changed,” Dr. Parenti said. “So we really can’t predict what the danger is going to be, but almost always it can be negative.”

That means snakeheads in Georgia could disrupt local anglers. “Their parents and grandparents fished,” Mr. Robinson said. “We don’t want to see those species replaced with something we are not used to.”

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Let me tell you one thing: I am not interested in getting between a bass fishing enthusiast and their bass.

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