Of Course Mike Tyson Might Have Bought His Tigers From Joe Exotic

Mike Tyson
Mike Tyson
Image: Getty

I have yet to watch Tiger King on Netflix because I am notoriously late to the game when it comes to things I should be watching on TV. Typically, my body and spirit will decide it’s time for me to finally dive into something roughly two to three months after everyone has stopped talking about it and as such, it seems like I might not get around to watching Tiger King until 2025.

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Based on the liminal understanding I have of the show having gleaned most of my knowledge from the internet, it’s about a man named Joe Exotic, who sold tigers and allegedly tried to kill a woman named Carole Baskin who, according to a TikTok dance, allegedly killed her husband.

Because it is 2020 and there are absolutely no rules anymore, Mike Tyson has now entered the Tiger King discourse, having told the Daily Mail that he may have bought the three tigers he owned in the 90s from Joe Exotic, because, of course he would have.

It could have been, maybe where I got my cats could have got their cats from Joe. But I don’t know. If you are in the exotic animal world, you are aware of him.

That information alone would be enough strangeness to fill my cup today, but it appears my cup will truly runneth over because Tyson also made a very interesting comment about Exotic’s potential for psychic mind control.

People always say these people are scumbags. But these are amazing people with what they can do with their ingenious minds and control over other people’s minds. These guys are born leaders.

Again, I don’t exactly know the specifics of Joe Exotic’s story but, one, I feel like I would have heard he had the ability to control other people’s minds by now, and two, I just have a feeling he maybe wouldn’t have gone to prison if that were the case. Not to question Tyson’s judgment here but, yeah, I’m actually just going to go ahead and question Tyson’s judgment here. Especially after he continued to talk about his own tigers with Fat Joe on Instagram live.

I was foolish. There’s no way you can domesticate these cats 100 percent … There’s no way that’s going to happen. They’ll kill you by accident, especially when you’re playing rough with them, you’re punching them back. They get hyped up, hit you back and you’re dead.

I’m just happy I educated myself. I was doing the wrong s–t. I shouldn’t have had them in my house, believing they were domesticated. I was wrong.

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I’m glad Mike Tyson has finally realized that you should definitely not punch tigers, nor should you have them in your house, but it is kind of shocking that this information had to be learned and wasn’t just kind of obvious from the beginning. Also, it appears the info came at quite the cost to both Tyson and a woman who broke into his tigers’ living area.

Somebody jumped over my fence where the tiger was and started playing with the tiger. The tiger didn’t know the lady so it was a bad accident. She jumped into the property where the tiger was.

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Apparently Tyson’s tiger messed up the woman’s hand and Tyson ended up paying her $250,000.

I’m just shooting from the hip here but maybe, just maybe, everyone should stop playing around with giant jungle cats. Is it one of my greatest dreams to befriend a lion and eventually become inseparable companions? Of course it is. Am I ever going to try and actualize that dream? Of course not, because, unfortunately, I know better. And also because, unlike Tyson, I have no idea where to even begin trying to purchase one. [Page Six]

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The conservative girls are fighting!

After Meghan McCain told Andy Cohen on Watch What Happens Live that she thought it was “really, really unfortunate and dangerous” that Elisabeth Hasselbeck made comments on The View saying she felt she could pray covid-19 away, Hasselbeck posted a response on Instagram telling Meghan to keep it cute or put it on mute, basically.

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In the video, Hasselbeck makes her kid, somewhere off-camera, answer questions that are apparently meant to assure the viewers that her family has been practicing social distancing and praying, which Hassebeck reminds us is, and will always be, her first line of defense. Why she needed to drag her kid into this is beyond me, but here we are.

The former View co-host thought the current occupant of the conservative seat was throwing “social darts” at her after McCain said she didn’t feel the need to co-host with Hasselbeck again in the future, and maybe she was. Not to root for Meghan McCain here but if it means we don’t have to endure Hasselbecks particularly bizarre form of right-wing evangelizing on national television then, go Meghan go, I guess. [Page Six]

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freelance writer living in San Francisco. Please clap.

DISCUSSION

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chocolate covered raisons d'être

Well, I mean...if Mike Tyson is in awe of your mental abilities, you gotta be someone extraordinary.